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Bereavement Counselling: What to Expect

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 15 Aug 2019 | comments*Discuss
 
Bereavement bereaved bereavement

Bereavement counselling is a specialised type of counselling that involves supporting individuals who have experienced the loss of a loved one. This counselling helps them work through their grief as well as perhaps learn coping mechanisms to help them when they are on their own. Bereavement counselling is recommended for anyone, of any age, whose loss seems overwhelming or whose life is being adversely affected by their grief.

Understanding Grief

Grief can be described as the emotional response to the death of a loved one. Most often grief is equated simply with sadness, though this is not exactly the case. Grief often involves a progression of different emotions and reactions that include shock and/or numbness, anxiety, anger and sadness. It may take days, weeks, months or even years for someone who is grieving to cycle through several different emotions, and some people never experience all of these emotions due to a particular loss. Others may experience some emotions related to one loss but different emotions due to another. This is perfectly normal. There is no set itinerary for grief, though if there is a distinct lack of emotional response, or an emotional response so overwhelming that it begins to affect a person’s employment, education or personal relationships then it may be best to consult a counsellor.

Stages of Grief

Though there is no set pathway for grief, it has been theorised that some distinct stages may be discernable in the bereaved. The Kubler-Ross model of grief, which developed after Elizabeth Kubler-Ross investigated this cycle in many grieving individuals, describes grief as a five stage process. Denial, anger, bargaining depression and acceptance are all stages identified by Kubler-Ross. However, this does not mean that all bereaved individuals will experience all stages, that all stages will be experienced in the same way, or that all stages will be experienced in the same order. This model may help others make sense of grief, but those who are bereaved should be concerned only with what they are feeling and how they are coping – not with fitting a theoretical model.

Bereavement Counselling

Bereavement counselling, whether it be one-on-one with a private therapist or in a group setting, aims to help an individual explore his or her emotions. At the first meeting, the bereaved will likely be asked about his or her loss, about his or her relationship to the deceased, and about his or her own life now that (s)he has lost a loved one. Answering these questions often means tapping into sadness or anger, so emotional outbursts should not be censored. Crying and yelling may come naturally during bereavement counselling and certainly will not offend the counsellor.

Allowing an individual to explore his or her emotions without guilt or censure is often what appeals most about bereavement counselling. In group settings such outbursts will not be surprising, though obviously the time spent with each group member will be more limited than in a one-to-one session. However, any emotional outbursts aimed at the therapist or other group members should not be tolerated and in fact there may be recognised rules against such situations. The length of time for which bereavement counselling will continue will most likely be decided between the counsellor and the bereaved, and will likely be discussed as counselling progresses.

Turning to bereavement counselling after the loss of a loved one is not an admission of weakness, but instead it is an admission of the strength to seek help when it is needed.

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I lost my husband 2 years ago, and a few weeks after, I lost my son. Everyone thinks I should be over it by now, but it seems as raw as ever. I've had a really bad week, because all my family have been on holiday(I wasn't invited). "They have been sending pictures and videos on Family Chat. I haven't been out the house for a week. I live in sheltered housing and I get a call out at 9am in the morning. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't speak to another soul. I'm feeling really sad and lonely, and I miss my husband and son so much. I feel overwhelmed by everything.
Shell - 15-Aug-19 @ 8:42 PM
I'm lost andfeelingaloneI'm not veryhappyas I see my husbanddeath over and overagainIdon'tthinkIcanevertrusta doctoragain
Julie Verma - 14-Aug-19 @ 5:55 AM
My dear mum passed away in January aged 88. She was my best friend and I miss her dearly asI shared everything with her even though I'm married with 2 kids. Her passing has left such a large hole in my life and I'm devastated. I get up in the morning to go to work as I can't talk to anyone , I too just want to pull the sheets over my head. I cared for last year during her illness which meant being away from home for long periods , my miss that. My siblings don't feel the same as I do. I feel for all of you
KItty - 11-Aug-19 @ 5:10 PM
I am 36 years old, I am lucky enough to have an amazing partner and 2 beautiful children whom I am thankful for every day. However, I am struggling to come to terms with the loss of my father 18 months ago under terrible, cruel and unfair circumstances, he passed within 3 weeks of being diagnosed with cancer of the esophogeus and I had to see him suffer so much in that time. It sounds terrible but I think I would of taken it better had he just gone peacefully in his sleep, he deserved so much better. I am no stranger to bereavement, I lost my mother and sister 15 years ago and grandparents along the way, but somehow I was stronger then than I am this time around. I think this is because I had my fathers support and my father and I had a very strong bond, he was literally my best mate and the person I trusted above everyone else, he was an amazing man that never once let me down. Every day feels like a struggle and I don't want to get out of bed, the only thing that makes me get out of bed each day is the duty of care I owe to my family but I stopped enjoying life the day he passed. The simplest tasks feel like they suck all the energy out of me. I am struggling with anxiety problems from tingling, worrying, not being able to sleep and generally not being the person I was before he passed and I want to get back to that person, if only for my beautiful families sake if nothing else. I don't even know where to begin to get my life back, is there anything you can suggest to help?
JLewis - 2-Aug-19 @ 2:26 PM
Hi my partner died 4 months ago and it feels like yesterday, i miss her so much, words cannot express how much I am missing her deep down im struggling every day and night without her, I can't wait to be with her, the pain and hurt I'm feeling without her is so empty and im lost, lonely and i want to be with her, she is my life, my everything, my soul mate, my world, she was all I lived for and cared for, now she's gone i don't want to be here anymore, I keep asking her to come for me every night and every day,
Shaz - 17-Jul-19 @ 10:05 AM
My 17 year old son dad has very advanced copd which there’s nothing more they can do and his mum my sons nan 85 has luckemia I have copd but mild and recently lost my aunt before Christmas to cancer our social worker thinks my son and me should have couceling to prepare his dad is just wasting away we don’t have big family but I’m so so scared that I know I will fall apart but my son I’m so terrified for him he wouldn’t know how to be independent what do I do
Crazylady - 26-Jan-19 @ 4:01 PM
My 17 year old sons dad is advanced stage copd lung disease and it’s so hard because we can see his just wasting away and nothing can help now except they keep try ease it I have it but myn is mild my son looks at him giving up on life on top his nana 85 luckemia cancer just eats away I lost my aunt just before Christmas to stomach cancer there’s been to many loved ones lost and social services want us to try and prepare I’m so scared because I know I will fall apart I know I will but my son I don’t know we don’t have big family and I’m unwell I’m so scared for my son without us
Claire - 26-Jan-19 @ 3:51 PM
I lost my mum suddenly, unexpectedly in April 2018.Every day I still cry at something to do with her. I feel hollow inside, numb even.As executor on the will I dealt with all the funeral arrangements, probate etc and whilst it kept me busy, I feel like it's kind of all been a dream.I no longer speak to my brother who has been selfish and uncaring through it all.He and his wife have now taken to moving/removing things on the grave, even though my daughter is the deed holder!Every day feels like a new battle.A battle to get up, to go to work, to just get through the day. I feel like I could happily pull the covers over my head and just stay in bed. Christmas was just awful and it's almost my birthday which I am dreading as she isn't here.I carry on only each day for my daughter. I am at present trying to sort the memorial, which again with my brother being as he is, is causing more stress.I want my mum.She is the only person who would know how to fix it all.Time does not heal, it just prolonged the pain!
Annabanana - 5-Jan-19 @ 3:10 AM
I lost my best friend and highschool classmate on Sept 12 of this year., and have literally had tears in my eyes since she passed.I was her caregiver for the past 3 years and have known her since 1958. I also tended to her meds and dr. appts. We traveled to many places before she broke her hip.She also had Parkinsonsand a huge bedsore. She was in and out of the hospital and emergency room several times since June. Some days are not too bad, and others are like a huge mountain I can't climb.Her appetite went drastically down and so did her weight. I go into her bedroom where she passed every day and talk to where her bed was and tell her how sorry I am for not ;doing more. Am going to grief counseling now and hopefullyI can hold myself together.
gene - 5-Nov-18 @ 12:02 AM
I’ve stumbled upon this site trying to get help and guidance. My ex partner has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has been given only a few months. We have remained best friends since our split two years ago and still very much love each other. We have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who is the centre of our universe. But our little girl has struggled with severe separation anxiety from when she was first put into school 6 years ago. She has never in all her 10 years been able to self settle herself to sleep. Her mum has always had to cuddle her to sleep or at least be in the room with her. Since me and her mum split up( which she handled amazingly well) when she stays with me three days a week she can’t go to bed unless she has spoke to her mum first to say goodnight. After that getting her to sleep is usually ok when she is with me because unfortunately I had to move back to my parents house due to financial reasons and I can’t afford to get a new place to live, so my daughter and I for the 2 years and for the foreseeable future have to share a room. She sleeps on the bed and sleep on the floor. But because I’m there in the room she does fall asleep. I’m worried sick about how she is going to deal with losing her mum and I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been told yet as to what is happening as this has all come about out of the blue this week. Her mum suddenly collapsed in front of my daughter last weekend and when she got taken away to hospital that’s when they found the cancer. My daughter obviously knows her mum is I’ll but not how severe. I simply don’t know how to tell her or even where to begin. I’m a wreck myself from the news and can’t begin to process how to live my life without her mum in it so how will she!
Gary - 13-Oct-18 @ 3:29 PM
I had my best killed at her birthday. I am going for bereavement counselling, as facing up a murder trial. It is horrible, and I can not come to terms with it. Anyone experienced anything similar? What to expect from the trial? The murderer hid in the flat! He was obviously planning to escape, due to it was her birthday her friends were waiting for her.
AH - 30-Sep-18 @ 11:56 PM
My daughter is 17, we lost my husband, their stepfather 6 years ago through suicide. He is still talked about within our family and I thought we had worked through the grief well together but recently my daughter is very tearful and sad. She tells me she’s never got over him leaving and has felt sad everyday since. I’m not sure where to go with this as I now feel out of my depth and don’t think I’m the only person to help her now. Any advice would we greatly appreciated, thank you.
Jobeth1 - 8-Sep-18 @ 10:07 AM
Amy - Your Question:
I relate to all of you! I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago, 10 weeks in 2 days. I count the days, I hate Thursdays as it was a Thursday he died just before midnight. I try very hard to not cry in public so I keep them in and let them out when I get home, after work or with my partner. It's so difficult to process, devastating isn't the correct word it worse than that! Grief is a unique thing for all of us, what I can say though and I hope this helps, week by week or sometimes day by day is the only way, the best way to keep a handle on life, do not try to hard to cope if you're not, let it all out. I cried constantly for 8 weeks, this last week has changed slightly and I am managing it emotionally a little better. some days are hell, others are ok, and you will start to heal and feel your personality and humor come back, even if it is just for a few days. then it may go bad again. It's all normal, nothing is nice, nothing is fun, nothing is enjoyable and these feelings are all VERY normal. I have been contacted by Bristol wellbeing service and have been offered 12 free counselling sessions, I have a 3 months wait, but I am so very happy they have offered me them, I honestly believe talking therapies can and do work for most people, it's a way of release, expressing your emotions with someone trained to deal with it, and listen. Be goof to yourselves olks, it's very hard, almost impossible to think there's a way out. I'm still like it, but even just a tiny glimpse of normality is possible. Much love. Amy

Our Response:
Thanks for sharing this Amy. We're sorry to hear abour your dad and the pain you're still suffering but your words will give inspiration to others who have been bereaved. We hope the counselling sessions help you.
FacingBereavement - 29-Aug-18 @ 3:45 PM
I'm very thankful for such wonderful notes on bereavement counseling,it really pushes me to take counseling as my career in future.
LJ - 29-Aug-18 @ 3:14 PM
I relate to all of you! I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago, 10 weeks in 2 days.I count the days, I hate Thursdays as it was a Thursday he died just before midnight.I try very hard to not cry in public so I keep them in and let them out when I get home, after work or with my partner.It's so difficult to process, devastating isn't the correct word it worse than that! Grief is a unique thing for all of us, what I can say though and I hope this helps, week by week or sometimes day by day is the only way, the best way to keep a handle on life, do not try to hard to cope if you're not, let it all out.I cried constantly for 8 weeks, this last week has changed slightly and I am managing it emotionally a little better.some days are hell, others are ok, and you will start to heal and feel your personality and humor come back, even if it is just for a few days.. then it may go bad again.It's all normal, nothing is nice, nothing is fun, nothing is enjoyable and these feelings are all VERY normal.I have been contacted by Bristol wellbeing service and have been offered 12 free counselling sessions, I have a 3 months wait, but I am so very happy they have offered me them, I honestly believe talking therapies can and do work for most people, it's a way of release, expressing your emotions with someone trained to deal with it, and listen.Be goof to yourselves olks, it's very hard, almost impossible to think there's a way out.I'm still like it, but even just a tiny glimpse of normality is possible.Much love.Amy
Amy - 28-Aug-18 @ 2:20 PM
crazychris - Your Question:
Hi. We lost our only child, 22 year-old daughter, to Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) on April 20th and her funeral was on Monday. I just can't come to terms with it or stop crying both day and night. Think my wife's coping better than me. All her future gone in one heartbeat. Never to marry or have kids or us any grand-children. She'd just graduated last year too. I'll never ever get over it. Am considering 6 sessions of grief counselling but they can't bring her back so what's the point of going? The only thing stopping me committing suicide is her little dog, a 5 year-old pocket beagle, as she'd have to be re-homed as my wife works full time. When she dies I know I'll definitely end it all and no counsellor or anyone else can persuade me otherwise. I still can't even believe she's gone. Am drinking heavily, over 100 units every week since she died but don't care.

Our Response:
You're right, it won't bring your daughter back, but counselling or therapy will help you to learn how to handle your grief and find reasons to carry on. You're not alone in feeling like you do, please ask at Citizens' Advice or your GP practice for details of local counsellors or also bereavement groups. Here are some organisations that you could try contacting, please do take some time to read, even if you do not feel like it. There are still people who care about you and need you to stay around:
At a Loss
Child Death Helpline
SADS
Care for the Family, Bereaved Parent Support
FacingBereavement - 6-Aug-18 @ 12:13 PM
Hi. We lost our only child, 22 year-old daughter, to Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) on April 20th and her funeral was on Monday. I just can't come to terms with it or stop crying both day and night. Think my wife's coping better than me. All her future gone in one heartbeat. Never to marry or have kids or us any grand-children. She'd just graduated last year too. I'll never ever get over it. Am considering 6 sessions of grief counselling but they can't bring her back so what's the point of going? The only thing stopping me committing suicide is her little dog, a 5 year-old pocket beagle, as she'd have to be re-homed as my wife works full time. When she dies I know I'll definitely end it all and no counsellor or anyone else can persuade me otherwise. I still can't even believe she's gone. Am drinking heavily, over 100 units every week since she died but don't care.
crazychris - 3-Aug-18 @ 10:39 PM
My beloved Mum died in August 2012 from cancer, I held everything together for my Dad and brother as they seemed to be falling apart, I organised her funeral and helped Dad to sort her finances out. Dad didn’t seem to be coping well after her death and although I tried to spend as much time him as I could, it was obviously not enough and he started drinking heavily. I pleaded with him to stop drinking to excess but he would just get really aggressive and tell me to mind my own business. I found him dead at his home in February this year, he succeeded in killing himself with his drinking even though it had taken almost 6 years to do it. After the initial trauma of finding him, he’d been dead for about 5 days we think, I cried. Since that day I have organised everything from his funeral to paying off his outstanding bills and finally emptying and selling his house. My question is why do I feel so angry about him? I loved him very much but now when anyone talks about him I just feel anger and resentment. My Mum would have given anything to stay alive and he threw his life away. Would I benefit from bereavement counselling??
CB - 25-Jun-18 @ 11:42 PM
Just lost my mother a month ago it's very very hard I have went through so much emotions over her death my mother was sick for a very long time she was a Christian lady. She's in heaven smiling looking down on me and I miss her so much it's hard to go to sleep at night and it's hard to get out bed in the morning it's pretty much ruined my relationship with my fiance because I feel sad and lost and numb so just out in the world all I do is think about her good and bad of all the good times I just don't know how to get through it I feel my mother would be so disappointed in me grieving like this and I try and I pray to get myself back in to make her proud of me and smile it is so hard
Kathy - 30-Apr-18 @ 2:14 PM
Thank you for your reply. I saw a traumatic grief counselor today, & she is going to provide some ongoing services and ongoing support. Much appreciated.
Honey - 21-Feb-18 @ 8:07 AM
Honey - Your Question:
My oldest son was tragically killed on January 14, 2018 while on the side of the road tending to his load. He was a long haul trucker driver. He was struck by another semi & died instantly. No fault of his own. Wrong place, wrong time. Two police officers came to my house near midnight with my father, to inform me of my son’s passing. He was just, 26, & died out of province. The 1st 3 weeks are a blur & living nightmare- fighting red tape just to get my son’s body back. He was cremated 6 days after I finally got to identify him, by his shoulder tattoo. I’m grateful to the ME, who clarified that my son was beautiful. I received photos from the funeral home as I couldn’t kiss my son’s forehead or hold his hand one last time. He was banged up and very broken, but peaceful. No stress in his face at all. God had spared the right side so I would know. He never knew what hit him. Gone in a blink. Strange relief.I am still numb, feel sort of empty & sad. I realize he’s gone physically but my heart hasn’t caught up yet. My heart feels shattered. My son was kind, fun, gave the best hugs & was just a really good kid. I keep feeling like waves are hitting me & knocking me off my feet. Not all the time, but they come without warning. I adored & loved my son & vice versa. We could just look at each other & know, & then laugh. I held his secrets & listened to his thoughts about life, direction & was very proud of him. He’d always say, “I love you mom, see you next time I’m home. & this time, we can celebrate my birthday when I get back in a couple of days.” I said, “I love you too, honey, sounds good.”He died on a Sunday, & he never came home. I never got to see him again. There are days I feel like I’m in a thick fog. Time that once stood very still, at the beginning of all this, now flies by. I don’t know where the month has gone. I’m told his service was lovely, & me & my youngest son standing together while I read his brother’s eulogy ~Brody’s Dash.his 26 years.was remarkable & showed, love, strength & grace. I really don’t remember that day very well. I remember my son’s hand on my back & shoulder & seeing so many people but feeling so exhausted, my husband deciding it was time to take me home & feeling grateful to sit in the car & just breathe.The nightmares have stopped now. Pretty relieved about that, they were terrible.My mourning began after his service. Feb 4.On Valentine’s Day I paid for orders at a coffee shop in my son’s name, just to share the love like my son would have. It got me through that day, one month since he was taken.I’ve seen rainbows & hearts, he feels near still, although he’s gone. Comforting, I guess. My heart doesn’t know what to do now. I kinda feel lost, & realized I hadn’t folded laundry for 3 weeks. How do I function properly again? I go through my daily routines but I look at the clock and what would have taken me a couple hours now takes me all day. Is this all normal? Thanks for listening.

Our Response:
We're so sorry for your loss. Yes it is normal, because there is "no normal" in the grieving process; everyone grieves in different ways. To feel like time is hardly moving and to almost be wading through mud each day is a very common experience though. Do talk to your doctor about bereavement counselling and seek support from other organisations like:
A Child of Mine
Child Bereavement
The Compassionate Friend
Don't expect to suddenly feel no pain overnight, that of course can never happen. Remember it is still very early days for you. Take very small steps and carry on doing those little things like your lovely Valentine's day actions in your son's memory. Take care.
FacingBereavement - 19-Feb-18 @ 2:58 PM
My oldest son was tragically killed on January 14, 2018 while on the side of the road tending to his load. He was a long haul trucker driver. He was struck by another semi & died instantly. No fault of his own. Wrong place, wrong time. Two police officers came to my house near midnight with my father, to inform me of my son’s passing. He was just, 26, & died out of province. The 1st 3 weeks are a blur & living nightmare- fighting red tape just to get my son’s body back. He was cremated 6 days after I finally got to identify him, by his shoulder tattoo. I’m grateful to the ME, who clarified that my son was beautiful. I received photos from the funeral home as I couldn’t kiss my son’s forehead or hold his hand one last time. He was banged up and very broken, but peaceful. No stress in his face at all. God had spared the right side so I would know. He never knew what hit him. Gone in a blink. Strange relief. I am still numb, feel sort of empty & sad. I realize he’s gone physically but my heart hasn’t caught up yet. My heart feels shattered. My son was kind, fun, gave the best hugs & was just a really good kid. I keep feeling like waves are hitting me & knocking me off my feet. Not all the time, but they come without warning. I adored & loved my son & vice versa. We could just look at each other & know, & then laugh. I held his secrets & listened to his thoughts about life, direction & was very proud of him. He’dalways say, “I love you mom, see you next time I’m home. & this time, we can celebrate my birthday when I get back in a couple of days.” I said, “I love you too, honey, sounds good.” He died on a Sunday, & he never came home. I never got to see him again. There are days I feel like I’m in a thick fog. Time that once stood very still, at the beginning of all this, now flies by. I don’t know where the month has gone. I’m told his service was lovely, & me & my youngest son standing together while I read his brother’s eulogy ~Brody’s Dash...his 26 years...was remarkable & showed, love, strength & grace. I really don’t remember that day very well. I remember my son’s hand on my back & shoulder & seeing so many people but feeling so exhausted, my husband deciding it was time to take me home & feeling grateful to sit in the car & just breathe. The nightmares have stopped now. Pretty relieved about that, they were terrible. My mourning began after his service. Feb 4. On Valentine’s Day I paid for orders at a coffee shop in my son’s name, just to share the love like my son would have. It got me through that day, one month since he was taken. I’ve seen rainbows & hearts, he feels near still, although he’s gone. Comforting, I guess. My heart doesn’t know what to do now. I kinda feel lost, & realized I hadn’t folded laundry for 3 weeks. How do I function properly again? I go through my daily routines but I look at the clock and what would have taken me a couple hours now takes me all day. Is this all normal? Thanks for listening.
Honey - 19-Feb-18 @ 8:14 AM
TJ - Your Question:
I lost my lovely mum in march this year then my dad 6 weeks later, like someone else mentioned you do think they are immortal and will always be there. I had to stay strong when my mum was dying for her as if I fell to pieces I know she would of been heart broken seeing me that way, but all I wanted to do was hold and cuddle her and tell her how much I will miss her. Neither of us realised that end of life could be so cruel, its bad enough being told your going to die, but you shouldnt have to go through that much pain in the process, waiting for nurses when they are in so much pain. Animals are not treated in this way! My Dad bless him died in his sleep. Its a weird feeling now they are no longer here I feel im in a living nightmare. I have been to see a counsellor as I have emotionally detatched myself from my partner since my mum passed to the extent of I am thinking of moving out???? We have been together 15 years, problems along the way like other couples but I cant understand why I have this detachment towards him?? I am thinking of going to grief counselling rather than just a counsellor. Can anyone enlighten me?

Our Response:
Bereavement counselling and relationship counsellling might both be useful for you. Try support organisations first of all. CRUSE bereavement care is a good place to start.
FacingBereavement - 16-Oct-17 @ 11:29 AM
I lost my lovely mum in march this year then my dad 6 weeks later,like someone else mentioned you do think they are immortal and will always be there.I had to stay strong when my mum was dying for her as if I fell to pieces I know she would of been heart broken seeing me that way, but all I wanted to do was hold and cuddle her and tell her how much I will miss her.Neither of us realised that end of life could be so cruel, its bad enough being told your going to die, but you shouldnt have to go through that much pain in the process, waiting for nurses when they are in so much pain. Animals are not treated in this way!My Dad bless him died in his sleep.Its a weird feeling now they are no longer here I feel im in a living nightmare.I have been to see a counsellor as I have emotionally detatched myself from my partner since my mum passed to the extent of I am thinking of moving out???? We have been together 15 years, problems along the way like other couples but I cant understand why I have this detachment towards him?? I am thinking of going to grief counselling rather than just a counsellor.Can anyone enlighten me?
TJ - 13-Oct-17 @ 11:47 AM
Hi i lost my dad in march i never thought id miss anyone as much as i do him he was my rock i keep trying to be strong but im finding it harder and harder as the months go by we always chatted on the phone 2-3 times a day i got to the hospital as he took hes last breathe it was like he knew id arrived i know time is a great healer and i talk of all the good times
Bubbles - 16-Aug-17 @ 8:34 PM
I never spoke or contacted my father from the summer of the year 2000 till his death in autumn 2016 .In which I hadn't found out till this year 2017 that he had passed away. My mother died of breast cancer in 1985 were my dad became a single parent then in 1988 he started dating another woman and married her in 1993 . My father didn't really seem interested in me anymore he just wanted to start another family in which he did. He thought I was jealous about his new relationship but I just needed to be loved . I tried numerous times to contact him but he had no interest so I gave up and went the next 16 years totally on my own . I suffer with mental problems since I was 17 due to taking Street drugs and alcohol. I'm in grief for both my mother still and now my father. I'm not sure what anyone can do life has become I struggle to get out of bed .I'm around unsociable people in the block of flats I live in in London. I'm not a perfect person but I try to be a good person not sure I am though.
Jo - 9-Jul-17 @ 7:13 PM
I lost my Lovely dad in February this year,You just think they are immortal, then one day they are gone, its a huge shock, emptiness. Then 8 weeks later, in March this year ilost my mum,you don't think emptiness can get any deeper but it does.Can't stop thinking about them, cannot discuss my parents as too emotional ,spend my spare time making things , all to do with my parents. I was close to them both,miss them so much
Twin - 29-Jun-17 @ 11:52 PM
my sister was murdered on oct. 24, 2016. she was 15 months older than I am. her estranged husband shot her in the back of the neck with a shotgun as she was on her way to work. she was a supervising RN. I am a different person, a broken person who now goes through the motions of my life. my life feels different. I've been over eating. I don't take joy in what I used to. because I am a mom, i have everything to live for. I've been going to a counselor, but I don't think I'm getting much out of it. my therapist is grieving the loss of a loved one too, so she knows grief. --- I wonder if maybe if I am experiencing ptsd due to panic and flashbacks of imagery. I miss my sister so much. I always thought we would grow old together. we loved each other very much and loved to be together. I loved to laugh with her and to make her laugh. her kids lost both parents. it's been a horror festival. --- I miss my sister and I know life will never be the same. --- I have a history of clinical depression (bi-polar)--- I don't know where the grief begins and ends and where the chemical issues begin and end. I'm sort of at a loss, but I'll keep dragging myself around.
blackbird - 20-May-17 @ 7:03 AM
I lost my wife 21st of February 2017 and am slowly going into a depressive state. I can't cope and neither do I care. My wife died of liver failure due to alcohol. From diagnosis to death was 10 days. 6 of which she was unconcious. Please anyone Alcohol in moderation, especially if using to help you cope with grief. No one should die that way.
Hammerhead - 30-Apr-17 @ 7:25 PM
Taajlc - Your Question:
Hi I lost my 29 year old son Dec 2016 in car incident he died on the scene. Crying is my constant companion, emotions are jumbled anger shock denial. I go from it can't be true to I won't see him again. I don't know how to cope or deal with this. I isolated myself not returned work yet. All I can think 24/7 is how how is it possible I won't see my son again

Our Response:
Please do try and seek some support - such as counselling. It really will help even at this early stage when your feelings are still so raw. Talk to your GP or contact an organisation like CRUSE which can help with support groups, counselling and therapy. Nothing will take away the pain, but it will help you to process the jumble of feelings you have going around in your head and to be able to function better on a daily basis. It will also give you a chance to talk to others who've had similar losses and perhaps give you some hope that one day you might be able to smile again and remember the times you had with your son with fondness and not complete despair. Take care of yourself too, for the sake of your other loved ones. We're thinking of you.
FacingBereavement - 19-Apr-17 @ 2:21 PM
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