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How Grief Affects Your Relationships

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 18 Nov 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Grief bereavement loss emotions

Usually when someone dies those close to him or her will feel intense emotions that can often unsettle their own personal relationships. Grief, or the emotions felt due to a loss, can be particularly hard to cope with for both the bereaved and those who are trying to be supportive. Thankfully, with mutual respect and patience, relationships can withstand and even sometimes grow stronger due to grief.

What Is Grief?

Generally speaking grief is an emotional response to the death of a loved one. Very often grief is equated to sadness, though it is not always so simple. Instead, grief often involves a progression of different emotions and reactions that include shock and/or numbness, anxiety, anger and sadness. It may take days, weeks or even years for someone who is grieving to cycle through all of these stages and some people never experience all of these emotions due to a particular loss, or experience some emotions related to one loss but different emotions due to another. This is perfectly normal. There is no set itinerary for grief, though if there is a distinct lack of emotional response, or an emotional response so overwhelming that it begins to affect a person’s employment, education or personal relationships then it may be best to consult a counsellor.

Grief and Relationships

Grief can take a toll on relationships because it is primarily an individual experience. Partners can try to understand someone else’s grief but they can never experience it or take on the burden themselves. Grief can have a number of affects on relationships. Partners may grow closer as they need each for support or realise that they would like to spend more time together. However, partners may also grow apart if the grieving individual retreats into him or herself, his or her partner loses patience with grief or a combination. Intimate relationships may also experience a slow period if the grieving individual does not feel like becoming physically close to others. Finally, some relationships may not experience any changes if grief is not intense, if it is fleeting or if partners are able to give and receive support in an open and “efficient” manner.

Supporting Others Through Grief

Perhaps the greatest mistake someone attempting to comfort or console another can make is to insist on how the other must be feeling. Instead, friends and relatives of the bereaved should be patient with whatever emotions the individual may be feeling without deciding whether these emotions are “right” or “appropriate”. Talking about how each person is feeling often helps everyone stay on the same page and understand more about what others are going through, and scheduling activities that the bereaved enjoys may help him or her to experience positive emotions. If more than one person is experience grief at the same time, it may be that allowing each to experience their own grief without feeling that they must make the other feel better helps all involved. However, throughout grief, physical affection, tokens of love and affection, and reminders that others will always be there for the bereaved will likely always be appreciated.

Grief is often a solitary, unique experience. Others will never be able to understand exactly how the bereaved is feeling, so patience with whatever may come will help all relationships stay strong. If it is believed that grief is interfering with the bereaved life then counselling may be in order.

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Neil - Your Question:
5 years ago my father passed away due to his long standing alcohol addiction it's something I have dealt with my whole life I'm 31 now for a number of years leading up to his death he had been living on his own as we could no longer tolerate his behavior and verbal abuse when he was drunk. Even in this situation we still had semi-regular contact with him and my older brother had to manage his money because if he didn't we would have nothing to buy food, pay rent, utilities etc as it would all be spent on his habit while he still wanted to drink we tried to limit his intake as he would go to vast extremes if allowed to so.So when the day came I was getting ready to head to work when a knock came at my door it was one of his neighbors they informed me that he'd been found dead I didn't know what to do so I tried contacting my mother and older brother but didn't get a response so left a message to contact me so then I followed them round to my fathers flat to find the police and an ambulance outside so they asked me their questions I could barely think straight at this point then they asked me to identify the body as I looked at him I thought I knew this was probably coming at some point but never imagined what it would look like when faced with it I cried of course comforted by people who lived nearby and knew him.I'm the only member of my family who saw him in this state even when my older brother arrived he couldn't bring himself to go in and I can understand that why would you force yourself into that situation when it wasn't necessary at the time. But I've never really considered how it as affected me did I deal with my grief correctly? I talked with my mother and brothers but my younger brother took it exceptionally hard probably mostly out of guilt he experienced what my father did and said when he was alive but these days takes about him like he was a saint and it kind of pisses me off as he really wasn't he did love us I know that but his addiction ruled him so I couldn't blame him for that but doesn't mean I had to like it.After the initial shock of it all I found myself not feeling the loss as deeply as others does that make me cold and uncaring? I don't know or had I already come to terms with the outcome before it happened and was more prepared for it or is that just an excuse? I could describe myself as emotionally unavailable but I do feel but don't always show or talk about it unless it really is weighing on me but only to close family/friends my last relationship end because I couldn't love that person no matter what I did is it a failing in me?

Our Response:
No, it's not "failing" at all. Everyone handles and feels grief (and love) in different ways. Don't ever worry that you don't feel enough grief or that you have to demonstrate ti other people.
FacingBereavement - 22-Nov-17 @ 11:14 AM
5 years ago my father passed away due to his long standing alcohol addiction it's something I have dealt with my whole life i'm 31 now for a number of years leading up to his death he had been living on his own as we could no longer tolerate his behavior and verbal abuse when he was drunk.Even in this situation we still had semi-regular contact with him and my older brother had to manage his money because if he didn't we would have nothing to buy food, pay rent, utilities etc as it would all be spent on his habit while he still wanted to drink we tried to limit his intake as he would go to vast extremes if allowed to so. So when the day came I was getting ready to head to work when a knock came at my door it was one of his neighbors they informed me that he'd been found dead I didn't know what to do so I tried contacting my mother and older brother but didn't get a response so left a message to contact me so then I followed them round to my fathers flat to find the police and an ambulance outside so they asked me their questions I could barely think straight at this point then they asked me to identify the body as I looked at him I thought I knew this was probably coming at some point but never imagined what it would look like when faced with it I cried of course comforted by people who lived nearby and knew him. I'm the only member of my family who saw him in this state even when my older brother arrived he couldn't bring himself to go in and I can understand that why would you force yourself into that situation when it wasn't necessary at the time.But I've never really considered how it as affected me did I deal with my grief correctly?I talked with my mother and brothers but my younger brother took it exceptionally hard probably mostly out of guilt he experienced what my father did and said when he was alive but these days takes about him like he was a saint and it kind of pisses me off as he really wasn't he did love us I know that but his addiction ruled him so I couldn't blame him for that but doesn't mean I had to like it. After the initial shock of it all I found myself not feeling the loss as deeply as others does that make me cold and uncaring? I don't know or had I already come to terms with the outcome before it happened and was more prepared for it or is that just an excuse? I could describe myself as emotionally unavailable but I do feel but don't always show or talk about it unless it really is weighing on me but only to close family/friends my last relationship end because I couldn't love that person no matter what I did is it a failing in me?
Neil - 18-Nov-17 @ 5:54 AM
My ex girlfriend lost her mum to Cancer back in May this year and she never faced the grief, she moved house not long after the funeral and went straight into DIY mode keeping endlessly busy then a carpenter friend of ours was over to fix the fence. Suffice to say we had a holiday the following week and she was so cold to me and jumpy. We split up afterwards. I have since found out that she and the carpenter friend have been seen together and mutual friends have warned me, it was crushing. I suspect that she was unfaithful the week before our holiday and dropped me for him. The funny thing is her previous relationship ended a similar way, her ex lost his father to cancer and had an affair as well leaving her and the kids for the other woman. She always went on about it. I feel crushed, what is it about grief that makes people do this??
Stevis - 25-Oct-17 @ 4:55 PM
My story is a bit different than most on here. My boyfriend and I fell deeply in love. Though I knew he had COPD, cancer was never on my radar. He never purposely avoided it. He may not have cancer, but a part of him wanted to be sure. We became so close that he became my best friend and close love. We wanted to spend our lives together. Then the results came. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We both love each other deeply, but he does not want to put those he loves through the pain of chemotherapy and his "monsters" of his disease. I have patience, but my fear is not having him while he still has life. His fear is he is taking away from that life. I leave him messages on his phone daily. And we are supposed to see each other this weekend, but he is afraid and rightly so. I am at a loss how to support him and let him come to terms with things. He is 38 years old. When I do not hear back from him, I worry the last time we talk is our very last. Even if being there is stepping back. The thing is he has been strong all his life and now his body will not allow him to do so. I cannot pity the man who still has so much life to give. Seeing him in pain is difficult, but the most difficult is not knowing how to comfort him is what creates the most pain. Him pushing away. I do not know if anyone really has answers to this question. Most would not understand how I can love someone who will not live forever. But, not many have the opportunity to love so deeply; even those who are both healthy do not get that kind of love.Anyone who has faced this or going through this have any advice?
Kelly - 12-Oct-17 @ 5:09 PM
I lost my mother unexpectedly last year. I am very slowly coning to terms (somewhat) with the forever end of our relationship. Yesterday I had to (very unexpectedly) put my beloved chihuahua to sleep. Apparently he had been suffering heart disease & we never knew. He was in advanced congestive heart failure.He was my constant friend & companion for at least 10 years.He WAS my child. My sis in law lives next door & her 5 year old was obviously curios. I understand she's just a kid & that her questions or comments may be tactless but don't have malice either. What can I do or say to make her understand that these comments and such are not very kind to a person in grief. I don't know what to do. Please help. P.s. her mom dislikes me & finds every little reasonto turn me into a bad guy
LSandoval - 11-Oct-17 @ 1:24 AM
I can’t believe I’m actually writing a testimony. Thanks to Dr. Twaha! What a valley my family has been through. My husband said he was done, he said he wanted a divorce. There was another woman who once told me she will do anything to have myman by her side; he said he was miserable with me. I wanted to run away and disappear at first, but something stopped me in my tracks. I had the desire in my heart to stand for my marriage and then I came across Dr. Twaha website. Thank God for Dr. Twaha! I was told from various places that I officially had an ‘out’ from my marriage, but I didn’t want out. I felt thetug of my marriage vows and knew this whole situation was bigger than me. I praise God that I didn’t submit to my hurt andemotions. The circumstances were horrible. The pain I experienced was so deep, it was physical. My faith when I came across Dr. Twaha was solid. I had this strong trust in him. There are still real powerful and honest people on the net. Now my family is aliving breathing example!” (You can contact Dr. Twaha on his email drtwahaAT dr . com or his WhatsApp: +254-735-914561
carim mendes - 6-Oct-17 @ 9:47 PM
About 10 months ago, I visited my hometown for a bachelorette trip that I was taking with my girlfriends. The night before we were scheduled to leave, I’d seen & hung out with my younger brother (by 1.5 years), laughing & snacking at midnight like nothing was wrong. The next day, he was supposed to take me to get a rental car for the trip. He didn’t answer the door. I called his phone so many times. I could hear it ring & ring & ring. After multiple attempts, I finally found a key to unlock his door. I took 2 steps into his room and it was like a lightning bolt shot through my entire body. He was deceased. It was absolutely horrific. I attempted CPR on his cold body. I’ll never forget the images, the complete shock when I realized he was dead, or the sound of my screams. I haven’t been the same ever since. I have been prescribed medicine for anxiety, insomnia, depression & PTSD. As time passed, work never suffered, but every single one of my personal relationships did. My close friends all pulled away from me. My boyfriend of 6 years doesn’t understand. Everyday I wake up, I remember he is gone & it takes everything I have to get out of bed. I drown myself in work so I don’t have to think about it. I drink bc that’s the only time I can allow myself to fully feel the pain. Life will never be the same. I feel isolated & withdrawn. Activities I once enjoyed have no meaning. There’s literally no one to talk to, bc when I do, my feelings get brushed away. I listen to our songs on repeat & scream my lungs out. I can’t see myself getting married or having children. I can’t move on & I don’t think I ever want to.
MB - 4-Oct-17 @ 9:17 AM
polly - Your Question:
I have been married for 15years but been with my husband for 25 years he left me 12 weeks ago without telling me he won't talk to me and we haven't even seen each other and is avoiding me, he's father passed away 5years ago and he has never grieved for him he told our youngest son he wants a divorce and for me to go solicitors but its not what I want, could he be going through a midlife crisis or depression? do I do what I have been doing and leave him alone and hope he will come to he's senses and come home or do I just go and get a divorce?

Our Response:
We really can't advise on individual issues like this - we really don't have enough information and wouldn't want to tell you whether you should get a divorce or not. Can you perhaps make an appointment for counselling (either joint or individual), could he be having an affair? You really need to try and find out what's at the heart of this before making your decision.
FacingBereavement - 3-Oct-17 @ 3:12 PM
i have been married for 15years but been with my husband for 25 years he left me 12 weeks ago without telling me he won't talk to meand we haven't even seen each otherand is avoiding me, he'sfather passed away 5years ago and he has never grieved for him he told our youngest son he wants a divorce and for me to go solicitorsbut its not what i want, could he be going through a midlife crisis or depression? do i do what i have been doing and leave him alone and hope he will come to he's senses and come home or do i just go and get a divorce?
polly - 2-Oct-17 @ 12:46 AM
Messedup - Your Question:
My father passed away this year.I was very close to him.And I feel like my marriage is not fulfilling as it should be. I have been married 10 years and I have a son. I am unhappy and I avoid being home by working excessive hours. I have strong urge to cheat. There is another women that is practically throwing herself at me, and I can't help the temptation. I know it's wrong and I am also hurting because I do not want to hurt my wife. I am thinking of a divorce. I feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I need advice. Is this grieving?

Our Response:
It could be associated with your grief. Before being tempted into taking this any further, make an effort to address what you find unhappy with your home life. Talk it through, seek counselling etc.
FacingBereavement - 26-Sep-17 @ 3:50 PM
My father passed away this year.I was very close to him.And I feel like my marriage is not fulfilling as it should be. I have been married 10 years and I have a son. I am unhappy and I avoid being home by working excessive hours. I have strong urge to cheat. There is another women that is practically throwing herself at me, and I can't help the temptation. I know it's wrong and I am also hurting because I do not want to hurt my wife. I am thinking of a divorce. I feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I need advice. Is this grieving?
Messedup - 25-Sep-17 @ 1:46 PM
I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for over 8 years. We have a 4 1/2 year old son. After a really hard 18 months his mum sadly passed away 4 weeks ago. As we live in two different cities due to work, I literally dropped everything to be there for him. I’ve driven over 3000 miles in a month being back and forth, going to work, getting our son to school and being there for him. I’ve balanced everything as best as I can, and supported my partner by doing washing, cleaning and cooking. I’ve bought tickets to football matches and tried doing things he enjoys. The past few days I’ve tried to express the difficulty I’m having and exhaustion I’m facing with our little boy and with all the working, travelling and having our son myself. Parent to parent. Even tried arranging a night out for me and for him and our son to have a night in together, but he got very frustrated about that. It seemed to cause a ripple of anger and frustration which he then let rip before I left to drive home (another 3-4 hour journey). I’m just at a loss as to how much I should allow for the grief, as I’m grieving too. Admittedly not to the same extent, but I’m doing everything I can. I just don’t know what more I can do. Any advise or help would be appreciated.
MISSFIZZ - 25-Sep-17 @ 10:36 AM
Hi. I have a difficult one. My partner and I have been together about 5 years. 3 years ago his brother was diagnosed terminally ill. His brother is single, no kids, a very domineering man and also very wealthy. He has used this to manipulate my partner and my partners son into basically putting their lives on hold to care for him. Now I totally understand family is important and he should be there for this dying man but it's putting incredible pressure on our relationship. We both work full time (his son cares in the week) and then every weekend he's there from early morning to late at night to relieve his son - understandably!We've cancelled so many holidays and events related to my family I can't tell you. Thing is I know he loves me and is just totally torn. We are all just waiting for this man to die which sounds and is horrible. I get angry at being left alone and then feel guilty for doing so.He feels guilty about everything. I can see this man could easily pay for nursing care which would help everyone but his approach is 'I'm leaving you my money so this is how you earn it'. Horrible.To be honest he's now in the last stages of life so not long left. I'm worried about the future though. How I take things forward post bereavement. I don't think I can apply much more patience than I already have. Advice would be welcome.
Polarbear - 24-Sep-17 @ 12:45 PM
Miche - Your Question:
What about how it effects your relationship with the other parent? My mom died 2 years ago. My father seems to be slowly pushing all of us kids away. (there are 6 of us) only 2 of us are his. He is step dad the the rest. He started seeing someone who is only 5 years older than the youngest of us and there seems to be some questionable activity surrounding her "circumstances" My father is 72 she is 47. She doesnt have custody of her kids, only has 1 2 hour visit a week with her 16yr old. She has been committed in the past and we understand her ex-husband and mother are trying to have her committed again. She has had the cops called since MOVING in with my father. Its a mess. We tried to talk to my father about all of this and he went off. And continues to. He is pushing my siblings away and starting to push me away. What do you do?

Our Response:
Gosh, we really don't know what to advise for this kind of situation except to keep being there for him and involving him in your own lives as much as possible.
FacingBereavement - 7-Sep-17 @ 12:54 PM
What about how it effects your relationship with the other parent? My mom died 2 years ago. My father seems to be slowly pushing all of us kids away. (there are 6 of us) only 2 of us are his. He is step dad the the rest. He started seeing someone who is only 5 years older than the youngest of us and there seems to be some questionable activity surrounding her "circumstances" My father is 72 she is 47. She doesnt have custody of her kids, only has 1 2 hour visit a week with her 16yr old. She has been committed in the past and we understand her ex-husband and mother are trying to have her committed again. She has had the cops called since MOVING in with my father. Its a mess. We tried to talk to my father about all of this and he went off. And continues to. He is pushing my siblings away and starting to push me away. What do you do?
Miche - 5-Sep-17 @ 9:24 PM
Hi I have just gone through the same sort of thing , my partner of 20 years just lost his dad his dad was poorly from christmas and passed july , our first grandchild was due middle of july and the week before he left saying we have drifted even though he withdrawn himself since christmas , I know he is grieving but he has been so cold towards me it really hurts also it did take the joy of my little grandchild being born which was quite upsetting I do love him but can't see any future for us it has been 10 wks now
Cath - 24-Aug-17 @ 9:48 PM
Long story which I will write details as briefly as possible. I'm 57 now. I went through a terrible depression, menopause, and I also have COPD and am on oxygen; have a few other medical issues. My husband was diagnosed with hep c which thank God is gone after treatment. He's left with cirrhosis of the liver and an autoimmune disease both from the Hep C. My terrible depression etc. left me bedridden and basically barely living any kind of life. I know this was a terrible thing to be going through as well as putting my husband and son through. My husband's mindset was that I was doing this on purpose. He ended up beginning an affair with a coworker. As I am going back and looking at phone records he placed hundreds of hours in on the phone and texting and of course going out with this woman who he claims became his "best friend". I found out and he continued speaking with her for another six months.He waffles back and forth about his decision to stay with me. I took my own health matters in hand and received some physical therapy which allows me to walk more often. I use my wheelchair because breathing wise I cannot go long distances.He Claims he loves me and did not love other woman but she loved him. Said he misses the talking and walks etc. At one time in anger said he could see him in a life with her for the rest of his life. Now his mother has died on top of it today. All I can do is picture him placing a call to this woman instead of reaching out to me. I feel that he has seen her again recently. If this is the case I can't be with this man. One day he is fine and talking with me and the next cold and unaffectionate. Now with his mom passing I can't help but feel like all hell is gonna break loose. That this is gonna pull us apart even further than we are. We have been together for over 28 years. I realize it was very difficult for those 2 years. He compounded that period of time with no affection, sex etc., sleeping downstairs and having very little to say to me. This waffling back and forth and now his mother's death feels like it's gonna be the end of it all.I also have to address my suspicions and figure out how to find out if he is back to that woman again.He did so much lying over the last two years I can't believe him as there is no trust. He won't go to counseling and I have no one or no where else to go and feel so very stuck. Today showed me that I am not being included in his mother's death. While his other brother's and sisters brought their spouses over to his mom's house to say goodbye I was not brought. He went alone. Today was the only day to see her, there will be no wake only a funeral next week and that's it. I feel that today is a prime example of the future. Don't even know if he wants me at the funeral!
Bren - 23-Aug-17 @ 9:32 PM
Zondacs I can say I've been through it and still going through it same thing I've been married 10 years almost 11 now but one month before our 10th anniversary my wife's mother passed away. She became withdrawn from me and 5 months after passing she had an affair I hope you don't go through that but that's when it really got crazy with me but like you said she startedstating many things like she wanted a divorce a few years prior but I listened and believed at first but then reminded her of things that she had done that proved she always loved me. She had picked many things apart in which I had to think but many times I could counter. She had stated the same thing though that she couldn't feel love anymore at the time. We have gone through couples counseling and she had individual counseling. Her councilor told her that she was going through thrill seeking behavior, because she didn't think she felt emotions anymore. I would suggest to watch the movie the shack with her it seemed to help my wife a bit and through love and support as much as I could things seem to be coming around. It has taken a major toll on myself though. But as katied pointed out if she is pointing out every little imperfection she is trying to justify something either she has had an affair or is having an emotional affair you need to find out what's going on and stop that first to be able to move forward.and seek counseling! Good luck to you and hope everything works out!
Colt451911 - 22-Aug-17 @ 8:22 AM
My boyfriend's ex was taken off life support last year. Her family got upset because he didn't attend the funeral and his son blames me. After her passing I noticed Everytime we talked about her he defends her, protects her and doesn't want anybody talking bad about her. He cries when he hears a song that reminds him of her. Yet he hears people talk bad about me and doesn't say anything. this woman made my life a living hell and now her son. He let him talk bad about me. Why!
Cec - 17-Aug-17 @ 6:41 AM
Just over a year ago my wife's best friend took her own life she never grieved straight away 1 year anniversary of her passing seemed to trigger a complex bereavement. We have been together for best part of 8 years and married 1 year. Up until approx 8 weeks ago she has said I was her soul mate and best friend and loved me so much. I love her so much and thought we had a what I thought was a near perfect relationship we have had a few bad moments but we worked through them, then this 8 weeks ago She started to become very distant which when I asked her why she said it was all about her friends passing. so I have done my best to support her whilst going through the pain and making it easier after a couple of weeks she started bereavement councelling which after a couple of sessions she has said she has fallen out of love for me that it's not me it's her and cannot feel that love and even said she's not loved me for a while and wanted to break up. She agreed to stay together until the councelling has helped her with the bereavement . But since shown no signs of love towards me at all like we are just friends but not close we are in Seperate rooms. It's hurting me so much and I'm still trying but she seems she doesn't want to make it work when I asked she said she is Not sure Has anyone gone through this and had a happy ending . I'm not a believer you just fall out of love.. Im hoping our love was strong enough to shine through.I'm only 8 weeks in but seems like forever I feel I'm getting depressed. There has been no signs of improvement like she hasn't told she loves me or kissed me held my hand or anything in this period at all. I know grief has no time period but is this normal for her to be this way
Zondacs - 10-Aug-17 @ 8:56 AM
When she/he is pointing out every tiny imperfection in the relationship, she/he might be looking for grounds to break up to be with someone else, It could be because she/he doesn't wantromantic messages from another to get discovered. Any sort of sneaky behavior like this is a sign, It is not so typical of me to refer professionals online but I feel like I owe a lot tomy hackdemon4 @ g mail.com who helped me track my cheating husband when he was having an affair, I got to find out that he has been lying to me for the past 5 months and seeing two other women. I was able to get direct access to his text messages, phone conversations and all social networks on his phone remotely : what was most amazing was that his recently deleted messages were retrieved by him. If you are getting less than you deserve in your relationship and want to be sure , there is no crime in that contact hackdemon4 at g mail.com. tell him katie refereed you.
katied - 13-Jul-17 @ 12:43 PM
Jack - Your Question:
My wife and I have suffered great personal loss on both sides of our families. My Mother passed away in 2014, in the past year both my Wife's Grandmothers passed away within three weeks of each other and within the last few months my Wife's Mother passed away. My Dad is also in poor health and lives on his own, a constant course of worry. My Father-in-law has a spinal disease. My wife and I have been married for 16years and I thought had a close loving marriage. She works as a funeral director and is currently signed if work with depression. Up to a couple of weeks ago a thought we were OK. Then a week ago she said she needed a break blaming my mood swings and bad temper (we hardly ever argue) and took her stuff and moved up to my father-in-law's.Yes I am not perfect and I am occasionally in a bad mood, I have occasionally looked at late night porn in the past. But that's the worse I have ever done in my marriage and not proud of it and I no more than most men in their 40's.Is this normal behaviour under the circumstances? We talking and everything is amicable, in fact I've asked out on a date night in a few days time. I am trying to keep everything as normal as I can for our two boys. I love my very much and I want her back at home with me, but I don't know what else to do? Please help.

Our Response:
Can you see if she's willing to try bereavement counselling? Which you might also benefit from yourself? It sounds like you've both been through a lot and need an independent person to listen to you. Marriage counselling might also be beneficial. Good luck and keep us posted.
FacingBereavement - 3-Jul-17 @ 12:39 PM
My wife and I have suffered great personal loss on both sides of our families. My Mother passed away in 2014, in the past year both my Wife's Grandmothers passed away within three weeks of each other and within the last few months my Wife's Mother passed away. My Dad is also in poor health and lives on his own, a constant course of worry. My Father-in-law has a spinal disease. My wife and I have been married for 16years and I thought had a close loving marriage. She works as a funeral director and is currently signed if work with depression. Up to a couple of weeks ago a thought we were OK. Then a week ago she said she needed a break blaming my mood swings and bad temper (we hardly ever argue) and took her stuff and moved up to my father-in-law's.Yes I am not perfect and I am occasionally in a bad mood, I have occasionally looked at late night porn in the past. But that's the worse I have ever done in my marriage and not proud of it and I no more than most men in their 40's .Is this normal behaviour under the circumstances?We talking and everything is amicable, in fact I've asked out on a date night in a few days time.I am trying to keep everything as normal as I can for our two boys. I love my very much and I want her back at home with me, but I don't know what else to do? Please help.
Jack - 1-Jul-17 @ 9:58 PM
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Dave - 21-Jun-17 @ 11:08 AM
Stllthesameoldme - Your Question:
Hi, reading all the comments I can relate to this. My (ex) husband's father passed away in Jan 2013. I feel my husband still to this day hasn't gone through the grieving process. His behaviour has changed immensely. He has a lot of anger issues. He finally left me back in March. We had 25 years of an exceptional marriage, then 3 years of hell. I'm now going through my own grieving process of loosing the love of my life. Please if anyone is reading this and has had a relationship which was fantastic before a death happens I ask you seek the counselling you need. Because my husband hasn't got help, advice or even spoke to close friends and family about loosing his father now our marriage is over, leaving me in a sadden state. I've lost my husband and best friend.

Our Response:
So sorry to hear about this. So many men (and women too) bottle up their feelings and refuse to consider counselling. We too would urge anyone to consider it, even if you don't feel you need it.
FacingBereavement - 20-Jun-17 @ 10:25 AM
Hi, reading all the comments I can relate to this.My (ex) husband's father passed away in Jan 2013. I feel my husband still to this day hasn't gone through the grieving process.His behaviour has changed immensely. He has a lot of anger issues.He finally left me back in March.We had 25 years of an exceptional marriage, then 3 years of hell.I'm now going through my own grieving process of loosing the love of my life.Please if anyone is reading this and has had a relationship which was fantastic before a death happens I ask you seek the counselling you need.Because my husband hasn't got help, advice or even spoke to close friends and family about loosing his father now our marriage is over, leaving me in a sadden state. I've lost my husband and best friend.
Stllthesameoldme - 18-Jun-17 @ 7:58 AM
Crazy - Your Question:
My partner of 18 months grandmother passed away recently , started to withdraw a couple of months before this happened. Due to feeling overwhelmed with home life and work. Started with withdrawing and I actually thought she had started an affair by all her behaviour. Said this is how she copes. I began to get aniexty and went to the doctors as realised I needed to get help. My partner and I have recently separated and she has moved out. No clue to how it all happened.

Our Response:
That is really sad to hear. The issue is that one person often has to be the "strong one" and if that person is also experiencing problems, there are two people left floundering. We hope you can move on from this.
FacingBereavement - 16-Jun-17 @ 10:53 AM
My partner of 18 months grandmother passed away recently , started to withdraw a couple of months before this happened. Due to feeling overwhelmed with home life and work. Started with withdrawing and I actually thought she had started an affair by all her behaviour. Said this is how she copes. I began to get aniexty and went to the doctors as realised I needed to get help. My partner and I have recently separated and she has moved out. No clue to how it all happened.
Crazy - 13-Jun-17 @ 4:23 PM
Last year (2016) my boyfriend really went through it! It began in January, he got sick with pneumonia and due to the severity of it, he was placed on medical leave until everything was back to normal. (mind you, he’s a truck driver, so for him not to be on the road, took a toll on him) Let’s fast forward 2 months (March 2016), his favorite cousin is killed in a hit and run accident. He is tasked with putting up the bulk of the money for funeral arrangements and also taking over the property left behind. It takes another month to bury his cousin (family wars). After all issues and finally, the burial of this cousin is finished, he learns yet another family member has passed. (April 2016) Thankfully he wasn’t asked to put up money for this one. After all of this has taken place, I find that he’d become very distant (rightfully so) so I tried not to bother him too much. One week though, something was gnawing at me to contact him, I couldn’t sleep the night before, I needed to know what was going on. I called him that morning and come to find out, his mom had passed from a stroke. (May 2016) In the midst of helping cousins and aunts, he was also dealing with his mom’s health issues. (This I didn’t know) Of course with a life-altering event like this, one is going to retreat. Let’s fast forward to this new year (2017) babe is still withdrawn. I’ve talked to him a few times but he says he’s going through a lot and just not really in the mood to talk, he says he’d rather pray about everything (Which I wholeheartedly encourage) and when he’s ready to talk he will….from this point forward he’s gone into complete Shut Down Mode! No call, text, email, etc. I'm not sure what to do...? Signed, A concerned girlfriend :
design_gyrl - 9-Jun-17 @ 10:39 PM
So my girlfriend's brother died about two weeks ago and she's having nation of of emotions how do I deal with this when she lashes out at me I'm trying to be here for her and be patient she keeps referring to we need to break up or she's done what do I do
Cowboy - 1-Jun-17 @ 9:38 AM
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