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How Grief Affects Your Relationships

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 20 Feb 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Grief bereavement loss emotions

Usually when someone dies those close to him or her will feel intense emotions that can often unsettle their own personal relationships. Grief, or the emotions felt due to a loss, can be particularly hard to cope with for both the bereaved and those who are trying to be supportive. Thankfully, with mutual respect and patience, relationships can withstand and even sometimes grow stronger due to grief.

What Is Grief?

Generally speaking grief is an emotional response to the death of a loved one. Very often grief is equated to sadness, though it is not always so simple. Instead, grief often involves a progression of different emotions and reactions that include shock and/or numbness, anxiety, anger and sadness. It may take days, weeks or even years for someone who is grieving to cycle through all of these stages and some people never experience all of these emotions due to a particular loss, or experience some emotions related to one loss but different emotions due to another. This is perfectly normal. There is no set itinerary for grief, though if there is a distinct lack of emotional response, or an emotional response so overwhelming that it begins to affect a person’s employment, education or personal relationships then it may be best to consult a counsellor.

Grief and Relationships

Grief can take a toll on relationships because it is primarily an individual experience. Partners can try to understand someone else’s grief but they can never experience it or take on the burden themselves. Grief can have a number of affects on relationships. Partners may grow closer as they need each for support or realise that they would like to spend more time together. However, partners may also grow apart if the grieving individual retreats into him or herself, his or her partner loses patience with grief or a combination. Intimate relationships may also experience a slow period if the grieving individual does not feel like becoming physically close to others. Finally, some relationships may not experience any changes if grief is not intense, if it is fleeting or if partners are able to give and receive support in an open and “efficient” manner.

Supporting Others Through Grief

Perhaps the greatest mistake someone attempting to comfort or console another can make is to insist on how the other must be feeling. Instead, friends and relatives of the bereaved should be patient with whatever emotions the individual may be feeling without deciding whether these emotions are “right” or “appropriate”. Talking about how each person is feeling often helps everyone stay on the same page and understand more about what others are going through, and scheduling activities that the bereaved enjoys may help him or her to experience positive emotions. If more than one person is experience grief at the same time, it may be that allowing each to experience their own grief without feeling that they must make the other feel better helps all involved. However, throughout grief, physical affection, tokens of love and affection, and reminders that others will always be there for the bereaved will likely always be appreciated.

Grief is often a solitary, unique experience. Others will never be able to understand exactly how the bereaved is feeling, so patience with whatever may come will help all relationships stay strong. If it is believed that grief is interfering with the bereaved life then counselling may be in order.

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Y partner lost his mum to cancer last year the anniversary is nearly here.....we have 2children a 10 year old and a 7 month old since we had our 2nd child things have never been the same every time she crys he complains with sly remarks he never does anything with her he needs the break all the time I've never had my hair done since last auguest I've ever spent time away from my kids sinc we had our 2nd child.....he's starting to not come home from a night out he's also caused an argument tonight Togo out smashed my house up told me I'm a horrible person and I make him do this .... the for him to leave and message wanting to pick work clothes up to now wanting to stay on the sofa.....we have a very talented son who enjoys sports and I don't want this to knock is confidence and most of all to think this isn't exceptable to treat a woman.....we've been together 12 years and now it's all gone just like that
Quitegirl - 10-Feb-18 @ 9:25 PM
Hello. I am 30 years old, just had my first child 4 months ago and lost my mom the beginning of January. Although my mom raised three other children, biologically I am the only child. My family has turned their backs to me and two of the other siblings stole things from my moms house, cleaned out her bank account, and didn’t even attempt to attend her funeral. They children made my mom’s life a living hell and kept her stressed out. I can’t even look at them as my siblings even though my mom never made a difference between us. I am beyond hurt and not even had the proper time to grieve her death. I have had to decide on taking her off the ventilator, make funeralarrangements, clean her house out and take care of financial obligations alone. Dealing with this has placed a strain on my relationship of eight years. My boyfriend doesn’t understand the feelings that I am experiencing and has threatened to leave me because he can’t deal with chias that is surrounding me. The thought of loosing my family at this time brings on a whole new hurt and I am trying to stay strong for my baby. I am lost and don’t know what to do because my mom would be the one I would call for help dealing with this matter and I don’t have her. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
Only1Lost - 6-Feb-18 @ 10:34 PM
Hello. I am 30 years old, just had my first child 4 months ago and lost my mom the beginning of January. Although my mom raised three other children, biologically I am the only child. My family has turned their backs to me and two of the other siblings stole things from my moms house, cleaned out her bank account, and didn’t even attempt to attend her funeral. They children made my mom’s life a living hell and kept her stressed out. I can’t even look at them as my siblings even though my mom never made a difference between us. I am beyond hurt and not even had the proper time to grieve her death. I have had to decide on taking her off the ventilator, make funeralarrangements, clean her house out and take care of financial obligations alone. Dealing with this has placed a strain on my relationship of eight years. My boyfriend doesn’t understand the feelings that I am experiencing and has threatened to leave me because he can’t deal with chias that is surrounding me. The thought of loosing my family at this time brings on a whole new hurt and I am trying to stay strong for my baby. I am lost and don’t know what to do because my mom would be the one I would call for help dealing with this matter and I don’t have her. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
Only1Lost - 6-Feb-18 @ 10:24 PM
shaz - Your Question:
My daughter passed away aged 39 years I am struggling I'm depressed suicidal and I've self harmedI found her dead on her kitchen floor with her face smashed in , she was stiff and smelt of rotten meatI cannot get the image out of my head , I've been asking for help now for 4 months but it doesn't happen I don't know what to do any more I just want to give up

Our Response:
Who have you been asking for help? Has your GP referred you for counselling etc? If not try asking again. Alternatively, contact bereavement support groups in your area, or try organisations like CRUSE or Child Bereavement UK
FacingBereavement - 5-Feb-18 @ 2:17 PM
M y daughter passed away aged 39 years I am struggling I'm depressed suicidal and I've self harmed I found her dead on her kitchen floor with her face smashed in , she was stiff and smelt of rotten meat I cannot get the image out of my head , I've been asking for help now for 4 months but it doesn't happen I don't know what to do any more I just want to give up
shaz - 2-Feb-18 @ 8:55 PM
How do you make sure your spouse is cheating on you? you should catch that cheating spouse..! In today’s open society and open minds, open relationship ignorance somehow has crept through the cracks as well, whether implicit or explicit . Now the question is why cheating spouses? i met a hacker who helped save me from the shackles of lies and deceit. I met(cyberhackmaniac50 gmail com). He helped me hack into my husband's cell so i got to know of his extra marital affairs, Although i felt bad doing that but i knew my stand in his life.. if you feel you also having the same problem i faced and you feel your spouse is having an affair but keeps denying, contact him, I am sure he will help you.
PetrA - 25-Jan-18 @ 1:24 AM
Hello, I met my girlfriend 5.5 years ago, I had met her 7 days after her mom had died from a wreck, then recently November 2017, her dad passed away from liver failure. As her partner the last 6 months have been hard and has only turned worse, we have been going to couples counseling and have found this intense feeling of Nger(me) and her running around recklessly getting drunk and not coming home. I was ready to leave her, so tired of hurting... but we went on a cruise and for some reason I stoped this hurt/anger and she didn't act out recklessly. It's like we both valued each other, loved each other. I know that there's much to do now we are back home, I hope to god she sees a bereavement counselor, and maybe do couples counseling every other week. But to those supporting some one of grief I found taking off for a week together helped put some glue back on the relationship. Btw her.mom was killed when she was 24 and her dad passed being 29 years old. Please pray for us. Thank you
The struggle - 22-Jan-18 @ 11:31 AM
Lou, reading your comment was like reading what my heart is saying. My boyfriend (aged 44) has just lost his mum and I feel exactly the same. The thought of losing him makes me feel sick and I feel terrible for feeling this way when he is grieving. I lost my mum many years ago and I too pushed people away and even separated from my boyfriend at the time but I was only 23. I've been there for him but he's gone..and it's killing me. Everything's changedo and it's totally out of our control.
CorrieB - 17-Jan-18 @ 11:04 PM
My Boyfriend of one year has just lost his mum and is obviously devastated. He is 55 and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have lost him as he is grieving, and wants to spend all his time with his family. He is continuing to work and play music in the bands he’s in, and although he is trying to not push me away, it seems really hard for him to be with me. Please, please, any advice on how I can help him, and not loose him for ever. I’m grieving for our relationship and what we had, but all alone as I don’t want to put any more pressure or worry on him. I know things will never be the same again, he will never be the same again. I’m in relationship limbo and it’s crushing me daily, I know this could go on for some time. How do I keep sane, so that I can be there if he needs me.
Lou - 17-Jan-18 @ 10:07 AM
Update from my last post (December 2017) I had my first private therapy session. It was enlightening and helped me question what I want to do to change the way I feel. The grief that I'm currently going through has almost doubled since Xmas and New Year, because all the stress of the festivities is over. The therapist believes I'm finding it so difficult, because of my childhood memories of my mother, which wasn't great. I was always seeking her approval. I don't think I ever got it, but I told her after she died how much I loved and appreciated everything she did for me. Went to the gym today, which my husband insisted I join to clear my head. Someone mentioned the name 'mum' and I just burst into tears. Everytime I think I'm going 3 steps forward, I'm actually going back 10 steps. On the bright side... I haven't had an affair. I know I need a distraction, which is why I'm getting 2 chihuahua puppies to love and pamper. Apparently, pets are the best therapy one can have! Trying, to keep myself super busy, as the fear of stopping to think for one moment has turned into anxiety. I still have my mother's ashes in my front room on a table, decorated as a shrine to honour her. I know I have to let her go and bury her with my father, but I'm not ready to let go yet. I hope and pray this veil of grief lifts, so I can see some light and joy in my life.
TM - 12-Jan-18 @ 10:14 PM
My story started 15 years ago when we were madly in Love the first time. We split and did not see or talk to each other for 15 years. We reconnected just over a month after his wife died. It’s like a day never passed for us all of our past emotions but he’s mourning and feels so guilty he’s so happy so quickly. He loved her and I knew her it’s a very sad situation. I’m being supportive but my heart is breaking. I don’t know how to help.... I told him to take some time but he insists he doesn’t want to not see me... any advice is welcome
Shell - 9-Jan-18 @ 12:27 PM
Thank you for your reply. I have contacted a bereavement councillor. Just waiting word back. I willtake your advice on doing something nice for him each day. Hope all on this chat will find peace of mind and Say a prayer to your loved ones I no they are listening. I let you know how I get on. Thanks again. Good luck ??
Cathy - 4-Jan-18 @ 3:28 AM
Anyone - Your Question:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. 18 months ago his mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she died a year ago. On Christmas Day, my partner told me he cheated on me in October, in an alleyway outside a bar, says that a cloud of white smoke came over him and he doesn’t know how/why it happened. I honestly feel I’ve done everything I could to support him and his mum the last 18 months and feel so broken that he betrayed me. He says that he’s felt sad since summer and doesn’t feel he deserves anything in his life and really misses his mum, I’ve arranged an appointment for him with a councillor but I honestly don’t feel that I can speak to him myself. I don’t know whether to be there for him or to go.

Our Response:
We can't tell you whether to stay or go unfortunately but @TM's post below might help explain why your boyfriend had the urge to cheat on you.
FacingBereavement - 3-Jan-18 @ 11:23 AM
Cathy - Your Question:
I've lost my mum recently from a massive heart attack. She was both mum and dad to me as dad past away when I was 12.(I'm 48) My partner is so good to me but being Xmas I over indulged in drink. Then I would spend the next day in bed feeling sorry for myself. Ive taking time of work which I should have done at the start but I thought if I carried on working that I be alright. He says he's fine but I leave him on his own and go and read or don't spend enough time with him. I loved my mum but I also should be thinking of him because he's here for me. I no your going to say that the relationship is strong it will last. But I think there's only so much a person can take.

Our Response:
Have you considered counselling? Or joining a local bereavement support group? Sometimes these really do help. You could also involve your boyfriend and he could help you through you grief more easily this way. Just try and do one special thing a day for him to show you still care.
FacingBereavement - 3-Jan-18 @ 11:20 AM
TM - Your Question:
I found my Mother 4 months ago, dead on the floor in her home. She was completely naked with dried blood from her nose. I remember seeing the swarms of flies and hearing myself screaming. My 11 year old son was thankfully waiting outside in my car.I ran outside, screaming for my mobile with tears streaming down my face. The neighbours all came running. I collapsed in the arms of a stranger from the shock. Fast forward, I'm dealing with my Mother's estate. I'm joint executors with the solicitor of my mother's choice, who are charging £260 an hour. The whole family has fallen out with me due to my mother's wishes in her Will. None of them had seen her or spoken to her in 20 years and expected more. My life has been turned upside down. I'm not sure whether it's because I've lost my last parent at 34 years of age or because it was a sudden death and we were so close. My grief is so raw, I've been to the doctors twice and am waiting to see a bereavement counsellor. I feel I have nothing to live for since I've lost both my parents. I have a wonderful husband of 16 years and 2 healthy children. Everyone tells me to focus on my children. I have lost all focus and meaning of life. I feel numb, shock, disbelief and my life is in limbo. I can't sleep at night and find it hard to wake up in the morning. I just want to be reckless, as I've sensed my own mortality. My father died at 60, my mother at 69, so in theory I won't live long. My current hobbies are shopping, drinking, gambling and crying. I've even been thinking of having an affair just to distract me from the pain I'm currently going through. It's like a self destruct button that I'm pressing. Just to clarify, before my mum passed, I was a hard working, motivated, organised person, who has always been a faithful wife and loving mother. So, for those who can't contemplate why their grieving partner is or has cheated, I hope this helps. It's never right to cheat, but grief is something I can't explain. It's like someone has rewired your brain, thoughts and memory. It makes you do crazy things. On the bright side, my therapy starts in the New Year! Hopefully, I will see the light and not do something crazy that will wreck my marriage or end my life.

Our Response:
We do hope the therapy helps and thank you so much for taking the time to explain how you're feeling and howit might help others understand their partners' actions. Please keep talking to people (and the therapist) about how you are feeling. If you can tell your husband about this rather than trying to hide it, that might help. Take care and we hope that 2018 holds some hope and brightness for you.
FacingBereavement - 3-Jan-18 @ 11:17 AM
I've lost my mum recently from a massive heart attack. She was both mum and dad to me as dad past away when I was 12.(I'm 48) My partner is so good to me but being Xmas I over indulged in drink. Then I would spend the next day in bed feeling sorry for myself. Ive taking time of work which I shouldhave done at the start but I thought if I carried on working that I be alright. He says he's fine but I leave him on his own and go and read or don't spend enough time with him. I loved my mum but I also should be thinking of him because he's here for me. I no your going to say that the relationship is strong it will last. But I think there's only so much a person can take.
Cathy - 2-Jan-18 @ 11:48 PM
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. 18 months ago his mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she died a year ago. On Christmas Day, my partner told me he cheated on me in October, in an alleyway outside a bar, says that a cloud of white smoke came over him and he doesn’t know how/why it happened. I honestly feel I’ve done everything I could to support him and his mum the last 18 months and feel so broken that he betrayed me. He says that he’s felt sad since summer and doesn’t feel he deserves anything in his life and really misses his mum, I’ve arranged an appointment for him with a councillor but I honestly don’t feel that I can speak to him myself. I don’t know whether to be there for him or to go.
Anyone - 30-Dec-17 @ 9:54 PM
I found my Mother 4 months ago, dead on the floor in her home. She was completely naked with dried blood from her nose. I remember seeing the swarms of flies and hearing myself screaming. My 11 year old son was thankfully waiting outside in my car.I ran outside, screaming for my mobile with tears streaming down my face. The neighbours all came running. I collapsed in the arms of a stranger from the shock. Fast forward, I'm dealing with my Mother's estate. I'm joint executors with the solicitor of my mother's choice, who are charging £260 an hour. The whole family has fallen out with me due to my mother's wishes in her Will. None of them had seen her or spoken to her in 20 years and expected more. My life has been turned upside down. I'm not sure whether it's because I've lost my last parent at 34 years of age or because it was a sudden death and we were so close. My grief is so raw, I've been to the doctors twice and am waiting to see a bereavement counsellor. I feel I have nothing to live for since I've lost both my parents. I have a wonderful husband of 16 years and 2 healthy children. Everyone tells me to focus on my children. I have lost all focus and meaning of life. I feel numb, shock, disbelief and my life is in limbo. I can't sleep at night and find it hard to wake up in the morning. I just want to be reckless, as I've sensed my own mortality. My father died at 60, my mother at 69, so in theory I won't live long. My current hobbies are shopping, drinking, gambling and crying. I've even been thinking of having an affair just to distract me from the pain I'm currently going through. It's like a self destruct button that I'm pressing. Just to clarify, before my mum passed, I was a hard working, motivated, organised person, who has always been a faithful wife and loving mother. So, for those who can't contemplate why their grieving partner is or has cheated, I hope this helps. It's never right to cheat, but grief is something I can't explain. It's like someone has rewired your brain, thoughts and memory. It makes you do crazy things. On the bright side, my therapy starts in the New Year! Hopefully, I will see the light and not do something crazy that will wreck my marriage or end my life.
TM - 30-Dec-17 @ 12:56 AM
My partner lost his mother 3 years ago and recently his father at the moment he’s says he is feeling so numb and lost which I can understand - but it’s aimed at me, my whole world has been turned upside down I don’t want to say anything as it’s not about me I have tried talking but he just says he don’t know what he wants or if he wants me we at present still live together will he come out of this I am supportive can’t be loving an listen but I’m also dying inside :(
Kal - 1-Dec-17 @ 10:25 AM
Neil - Your Question:
5 years ago my father passed away due to his long standing alcohol addiction it's something I have dealt with my whole life I'm 31 now for a number of years leading up to his death he had been living on his own as we could no longer tolerate his behavior and verbal abuse when he was drunk. Even in this situation we still had semi-regular contact with him and my older brother had to manage his money because if he didn't we would have nothing to buy food, pay rent, utilities etc as it would all be spent on his habit while he still wanted to drink we tried to limit his intake as he would go to vast extremes if allowed to so.So when the day came I was getting ready to head to work when a knock came at my door it was one of his neighbors they informed me that he'd been found dead I didn't know what to do so I tried contacting my mother and older brother but didn't get a response so left a message to contact me so then I followed them round to my fathers flat to find the police and an ambulance outside so they asked me their questions I could barely think straight at this point then they asked me to identify the body as I looked at him I thought I knew this was probably coming at some point but never imagined what it would look like when faced with it I cried of course comforted by people who lived nearby and knew him.I'm the only member of my family who saw him in this state even when my older brother arrived he couldn't bring himself to go in and I can understand that why would you force yourself into that situation when it wasn't necessary at the time. But I've never really considered how it as affected me did I deal with my grief correctly? I talked with my mother and brothers but my younger brother took it exceptionally hard probably mostly out of guilt he experienced what my father did and said when he was alive but these days takes about him like he was a saint and it kind of pisses me off as he really wasn't he did love us I know that but his addiction ruled him so I couldn't blame him for that but doesn't mean I had to like it.After the initial shock of it all I found myself not feeling the loss as deeply as others does that make me cold and uncaring? I don't know or had I already come to terms with the outcome before it happened and was more prepared for it or is that just an excuse? I could describe myself as emotionally unavailable but I do feel but don't always show or talk about it unless it really is weighing on me but only to close family/friends my last relationship end because I couldn't love that person no matter what I did is it a failing in me?

Our Response:
No, it's not "failing" at all. Everyone handles and feels grief (and love) in different ways. Don't ever worry that you don't feel enough grief or that you have to demonstrate ti other people.
FacingBereavement - 22-Nov-17 @ 11:14 AM
5 years ago my father passed away due to his long standing alcohol addiction it's something I have dealt with my whole life i'm 31 now for a number of years leading up to his death he had been living on his own as we could no longer tolerate his behavior and verbal abuse when he was drunk.Even in this situation we still had semi-regular contact with him and my older brother had to manage his money because if he didn't we would have nothing to buy food, pay rent, utilities etc as it would all be spent on his habit while he still wanted to drink we tried to limit his intake as he would go to vast extremes if allowed to so. So when the day came I was getting ready to head to work when a knock came at my door it was one of his neighbors they informed me that he'd been found dead I didn't know what to do so I tried contacting my mother and older brother but didn't get a response so left a message to contact me so then I followed them round to my fathers flat to find the police and an ambulance outside so they asked me their questions I could barely think straight at this point then they asked me to identify the body as I looked at him I thought I knew this was probably coming at some point but never imagined what it would look like when faced with it I cried of course comforted by people who lived nearby and knew him. I'm the only member of my family who saw him in this state even when my older brother arrived he couldn't bring himself to go in and I can understand that why would you force yourself into that situation when it wasn't necessary at the time.But I've never really considered how it as affected me did I deal with my grief correctly?I talked with my mother and brothers but my younger brother took it exceptionally hard probably mostly out of guilt he experienced what my father did and said when he was alive but these days takes about him like he was a saint and it kind of pisses me off as he really wasn't he did love us I know that but his addiction ruled him so I couldn't blame him for that but doesn't mean I had to like it. After the initial shock of it all I found myself not feeling the loss as deeply as others does that make me cold and uncaring? I don't know or had I already come to terms with the outcome before it happened and was more prepared for it or is that just an excuse? I could describe myself as emotionally unavailable but I do feel but don't always show or talk about it unless it really is weighing on me but only to close family/friends my last relationship end because I couldn't love that person no matter what I did is it a failing in me?
Neil - 18-Nov-17 @ 5:54 AM
My ex girlfriend lost her mum to Cancer back in May this year and she never faced the grief, she moved house not long after the funeral and went straight into DIY mode keeping endlessly busy then a carpenter friend of ours was over to fix the fence. Suffice to say we had a holiday the following week and she was so cold to me and jumpy. We split up afterwards. I have since found out that she and the carpenter friend have been seen together and mutual friends have warned me, it was crushing. I suspect that she was unfaithful the week before our holiday and dropped me for him. The funny thing is her previous relationship ended a similar way, her ex lost his father to cancer and had an affair as well leaving her and the kids for the other woman. She always went on about it. I feel crushed, what is it about grief that makes people do this??
Stevis - 25-Oct-17 @ 4:55 PM
My story is a bit different than most on here. My boyfriend and I fell deeply in love. Though I knew he had COPD, cancer was never on my radar. He never purposely avoided it. He may not have cancer, but a part of him wanted to be sure. We became so close that he became my best friend and close love. We wanted to spend our lives together. Then the results came. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We both love each other deeply, but he does not want to put those he loves through the pain of chemotherapy and his "monsters" of his disease. I have patience, but my fear is not having him while he still has life. His fear is he is taking away from that life. I leave him messages on his phone daily. And we are supposed to see each other this weekend, but he is afraid and rightly so. I am at a loss how to support him and let him come to terms with things. He is 38 years old. When I do not hear back from him, I worry the last time we talk is our very last. Even if being there is stepping back. The thing is he has been strong all his life and now his body will not allow him to do so. I cannot pity the man who still has so much life to give. Seeing him in pain is difficult, but the most difficult is not knowing how to comfort him is what creates the most pain. Him pushing away. I do not know if anyone really has answers to this question. Most would not understand how I can love someone who will not live forever. But, not many have the opportunity to love so deeply; even those who are both healthy do not get that kind of love.Anyone who has faced this or going through this have any advice?
Kelly - 12-Oct-17 @ 5:09 PM
I lost my mother unexpectedly last year. I am very slowly coning to terms (somewhat) with the forever end of our relationship. Yesterday I had to (very unexpectedly) put my beloved chihuahua to sleep. Apparently he had been suffering heart disease & we never knew. He was in advanced congestive heart failure.He was my constant friend & companion for at least 10 years.He WAS my child. My sis in law lives next door & her 5 year old was obviously curios. I understand she's just a kid & that her questions or comments may be tactless but don't have malice either. What can I do or say to make her understand that these comments and such are not very kind to a person in grief. I don't know what to do. Please help. P.s. her mom dislikes me & finds every little reasonto turn me into a bad guy
LSandoval - 11-Oct-17 @ 1:24 AM
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carim mendes - 6-Oct-17 @ 9:47 PM
polly - Your Question:
I have been married for 15years but been with my husband for 25 years he left me 12 weeks ago without telling me he won't talk to me and we haven't even seen each other and is avoiding me, he's father passed away 5years ago and he has never grieved for him he told our youngest son he wants a divorce and for me to go solicitors but its not what I want, could he be going through a midlife crisis or depression? do I do what I have been doing and leave him alone and hope he will come to he's senses and come home or do I just go and get a divorce?

Our Response:
We really can't advise on individual issues like this - we really don't have enough information and wouldn't want to tell you whether you should get a divorce or not. Can you perhaps make an appointment for counselling (either joint or individual), could he be having an affair? You really need to try and find out what's at the heart of this before making your decision.
FacingBereavement - 3-Oct-17 @ 3:12 PM
i have been married for 15years but been with my husband for 25 years he left me 12 weeks ago without telling me he won't talk to meand we haven't even seen each otherand is avoiding me, he'sfather passed away 5years ago and he has never grieved for him he told our youngest son he wants a divorce and for me to go solicitorsbut its not what i want, could he be going through a midlife crisis or depression? do i do what i have been doing and leave him alone and hope he will come to he's senses and come home or do i just go and get a divorce?
polly - 2-Oct-17 @ 12:46 AM
Messedup - Your Question:
My father passed away this year.I was very close to him.And I feel like my marriage is not fulfilling as it should be. I have been married 10 years and I have a son. I am unhappy and I avoid being home by working excessive hours. I have strong urge to cheat. There is another women that is practically throwing herself at me, and I can't help the temptation. I know it's wrong and I am also hurting because I do not want to hurt my wife. I am thinking of a divorce. I feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I need advice. Is this grieving?

Our Response:
It could be associated with your grief. Before being tempted into taking this any further, make an effort to address what you find unhappy with your home life. Talk it through, seek counselling etc.
FacingBereavement - 26-Sep-17 @ 3:50 PM
My father passed away this year.I was very close to him.And I feel like my marriage is not fulfilling as it should be. I have been married 10 years and I have a son. I am unhappy and I avoid being home by working excessive hours. I have strong urge to cheat. There is another women that is practically throwing herself at me, and I can't help the temptation. I know it's wrong and I am also hurting because I do not want to hurt my wife. I am thinking of a divorce. I feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I need advice. Is this grieving?
Messedup - 25-Sep-17 @ 1:46 PM
I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for over 8 years. We have a 4 1/2 year old son. After a really hard 18 months his mum sadly passed away 4 weeks ago. As we live in two different cities due to work, I literally dropped everything to be there for him. I’ve driven over 3000 miles in a month being back and forth, going to work, getting our son to school and being there for him. I’ve balanced everything as best as I can, and supported my partner by doing washing, cleaning and cooking. I’ve bought tickets to football matches and tried doing things he enjoys. The past few days I’ve tried to express the difficulty I’m having and exhaustion I’m facing with our little boy and with all the working, travelling and having our son myself. Parent to parent. Even tried arranging a night out for me and for him and our son to have a night in together, but he got very frustrated about that. It seemed to cause a ripple of anger and frustration which he then let rip before I left to drive home (another 3-4 hour journey). I’m just at a loss as to how much I should allow for the grief, as I’m grieving too. Admittedly not to the same extent, but I’m doing everything I can. I just don’t know what more I can do. Any advise or help would be appreciated.
MISSFIZZ - 25-Sep-17 @ 10:36 AM
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