Child Attending Parent's Funeral: How to Handle This?

Q.
My daughter has lost her father today and your website has helped me to tell her the devastating news.
Could you please advise me on what to do regarding a child going to the funeral of a parent?

A.
Whether or not a child attends a parent's funeral will likely depend on the age of the child as well as that particular child's personality and temperament. However, it is not generally helpful for a parent to make the decision without consulting their child, so asking your daughter about how much involvement she would like to have in the funeral is a good idea.
To begin, talk with your daughter about what happens at a funeral. Discuss where the funeral will take place, who will be there, the different parts of the service and why it is important to you to have the funeral. Make it clear that a funeral has a 'script' so to speak, and that for the most part she would be expected to follow it. Explain that her father will be in a casket and that he will not be able to move, speak or otherwise acknowledge her. If there is to be an open casket, discuss with her what she can expect when she sees her father. Also make it clear what the burial will entail, and that you will both ultimately have to leave the cemetery without her father.
It can be hard for children to know how to act at a funeral, particularly if they are not used to open displays of grief. Talk with your daughter about how she will feel if she cries, and how she will feel if she sees others cry. You may even want to role play with her simple ways she can answer people if they ask her questions or want to talk about her father.
Use this discussion too as an opportunity also to discuss what the two of you can do together to honour her father, whether it is at the funeral, burial or a later memorial service. If she has a concrete idea of what she can do to say goodbye to her father then your daughter might be more comfortable with the idea of going to the funeral or staying home but having her own ceremony at a later date.
If your daughter does decide to go to the funeral, ask a friend or relative to help you keep an eye on her so that you don't have the sole responsibility for it. You might also consider hiring a familiar babysitter to come along to tend to your daughter's needs. Similarly, if your daughter decides to stay home then try to have someone well known to her stay with her. Most of all, make it clear to your daughter that you support whatever she thinks is best. Make her feel comfortable and confident in her decision, and remember that a funeral is just one event. You and your daughter will have many opportunities to remember her father so don't put undue emphasis on the funeral itself.
Re: Inheriting Property
My mum passed away in 2019 and had made a will stating that her share of the property (50%) should go to me and my sister but my step father…
Re: Inheriting Property
My brother & sister never had time for my mum & dad & havnt spoke to me for 2 years since my dad died . . & theyve took legal action to evict…
Re: Coping with Multiple Deaths
I just lost my grandma today. I don't know how to cope. I lost my grandpa, her husband, on May 20th 2020. I grieved for my grandpa…
Re: Coping with Multiple Deaths
I lost my brother at 22, he was 27. Hung with his own belt. Grandma died the following year. Then uncle and aunt the following…
Re: What if There is No Will?
I have a credit card that went to collections. I paid it off over time in full even after they offered me to pay at lower amount –…
Re: What if There is No Will?
My brother died. My niece is his next of kin. He lived with his girlfriend and she won’t let my niece have any of my brothers…
Re: Coping with Multiple Deaths
I’m so sad right now! I lost my dad on Boxing Day to Covid. He was all I had left. I lost my sister to cancer in 2014 , then my…
Re: The Rights to Obtain a Headstone?
My son took his own life in April 2020 his wife and him were separated but due to covid19 they had to stay in same house he…
Re: Coping with Multiple Deaths
I lost both my sons in 2020. They were 30 and 33 yrs old. I am lost and cant move on. Josh was shot in the head. They say suicide I…
Re: What if There is No Will?
Hi, Basically my nan passed away when I was about 8 years old I'm not 20 my grandad passed away roughly about 4 years ago. He met a…