Home > Emotional Issues > Questionnaire: Do You Need Bereavement Counselling?

Questionnaire: Do You Need Bereavement Counselling?

By: Beth Morrisey MLIS - Updated: 2 Mar 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Bereavement Counselling Grief Emotions

In the aftermath of a death it is perfectly normal to cycle through many different emotions. Feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, denial, guilt and even relief can all be typical of those who are grieving. Even when people know this, however, there are those who will not recognise when their emotions are making a major impact on their lives. Bereavement counselling can help people work through their grief, resolve any lingering conflicts and come to terms with their new lives and selves.

To help you determine if you need bereavement counselling we have put together the following questionnaire. Answer each of the 12 questions below with "yes" or "no". Total your answers and match the number of "yes" answers to the explanations at the end to find out if you need bereavement counselling.

1. Have your sleeping patterns changed considerably since the death of your loved one?
2. Has your weight changed considerably since the death of your loved one?
3. Have you experienced great or regular confusion since the death of your loved one?
4. Have you been unable to stop crying since the death of your loved one?
5. Have you been unable to concentrate since the death of your loved one?
6. Have others told you that you are not coping well since the death of your loved one?
7. Have you had suicidal thoughts since the death of your loved one?
8. Have you thought of harming yourself or others since the death of your loved one?
9. Have you been unable to make decisions since the death of your loved one?
10. Have you felt uncontrollable rage since the death of your loved one?
11. Have you experienced physical pain since the death of your loved one?
12. Have you worried about your thoughts or behaviour since the death of your loved one?

Do You Need Bereavement Counselling?

If you answered "yes" to between one and four questions then you most likely do not need bereavement counselling. It seems as though you have acknowledged your thoughts and feelings about the death of your loved one, and that you are working through them in healthy ways. If you don't agree, however, or you feel that you would still like the support of others or the chance to speak with someone non judgemental, then you might want to investigate individual or group bereavement counselling anyway. If you've ever had suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself or others as related to your grief then you should seek professional help immediately.

Yes to 5 -8

If you answered "yes" to between five and eight questions then you might need bereavement counselling. It is very easy for grief to spiral out of control or take over your life, and bereavement counselling could help you better understand your emotions and what you can do to work through them and eventually overcome them. Bereavement counselling can also be a great, safe place for you to discuss your loved one, his or her death, the role (s)he played in your life and how you would like your life to take shape in the future - both the positive and negative aspects of all. It may not seem like your life has been impacted greatly yet, but attending bereavement counselling could keep it from being impacted irreversibly in the future. Please seek help immediately if you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others.

Yes to 9 or more

If you answered "yes" to nine or more questions then you most likely need bereavement counselling. You have obviously experienced great changes in your life due to your grief, many of which may keep you from enjoying full physical or emotional health. Your days, and possibly your night as well, seem to be dominated by the loss of your loved one. In order to better move forward, to work through your grief and put together plans for your future, bereavement counselling can be an important first step. If you believe that your physical health or safety is in danger then don't delay in seeking out bereavement counselling services. Cruse Bereavement Care and the British Association of Counselling are both excellent starting points for finding a bereavement counsellor or support group.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
My husband recently passed due to overdose on prescription pills although there is dispute over whether it was intentional or not. Our 12 year old daughter is finding it very hard also. Would bereavement counselling help?
Brown - 2-Mar-17 @ 6:13 PM
Notcopingwell - Your Question:
My mom passed away 7 years ago at age 60 of cervical cancer. I was her primary caregiver for the one year that she fought for her life and passed. I am not coping well yet. I have gained 100 pounds, have nightmares every night that I can't find her. I can't talk about her without breaking down. She was my best friend, an amazing mom and grandma. She was taken too soon. I feel like a shell of what I once was. I feel I should find more joy in my kiddos than I do. I have no motivation to participate in most life activities. Is this normal grief stuff or should I seek counseling?

Our Response:
It is normal grief, but you do need some help to deal with the grief. Counselling will help, as will joining a support group etc. Your doctor may be able to refer you for counselling and your local Citizens' Advice will be able to find you local support groups.
FacingBereavement - 29-Nov-16 @ 11:19 AM
My mom passed away 7 years ago at age 60 of cervical cancer.I was her primary caregiver for the one year that she fought for her life and passed.I am not coping well yet.I have gained 100 pounds, have nightmares every night that I can't find her.I can't talk about her without breaking down.She was my best friend, an amazing mom and grandma.She was taken too soon.I feel like a shell of what I once was.I feel I should find more joy in my kiddos than I do.I have no motivation to participate in most life activities.Is this normal grief stuff or should I seek counseling?
Notcopingwell - 28-Nov-16 @ 10:10 AM
hi there it is coming up to 2 years since i lost my dad to lunch cancer, it took 51days from being told to him passing away. i have 2 children 7&12. i am struggling to keep my emotions together, i keep everything bottled in..me & my husband argue nearly on a daily basis & i know im pushing him away...and my friends. its affecting my job, my mum has left her job & she has changed. im struggling to control my emotions, i dont know how to deal with them...i feel sometimes im better of where my dad is!! i just dont know what to do anymore..please help!
hannah - 26-Nov-16 @ 7:41 PM
Darrin - Your Question:
I lost my mom in 2013 which was my best friend to unexplained death well we was told she died of heart failure but we think it was neglected by the nursing home she was in and is closed down permnately but I find myself sneaking around I swing pain killers for pains I never had before I take aleve pm to sleep every night don't socialize a lot and my husband and 2 sons say I need couseling

Our Response:
It does sound as though counselling will help you. First, go to you GP and tell him about the pain killers. The GP will be able ot help with both that, and a referral for some counselling.
FacingBereavement - 9-Nov-16 @ 12:27 PM
I lost my mom in 2013 which was my best friend to unexplained death well we was told she died of heart failure but we think it was neglected by the nursing home she was in and is closed down permnately but I find myself sneaking around I swing pain killers for pains I never had before I take aleve pm to sleep every night don't socialize a lot and my husband and 2 sons say I need couseling
Darrin - 8-Nov-16 @ 4:03 PM
Mak - Your Question:
I lost my younger sister aged 56 to Ovarian cancer 5 months ago it was a four year fight during which she exuded massive amounts of positivity and did many things I knew were on her bucket list.We had a traumatic abusive childhood I was the main target however we shared and acknowledged our past whilst getting on with our lives.She chose not to have children but loved mine.I find myself dwelling on our abusive childhood and wishing I had been able to do more for ger emotionally. I'm sure it's time but find daily life a struggle to be joyous. Family pass comments but I can't get beyond my thoughts. Ive tried reiki and practice yoga. Any advice very welcome.I'm stuck!

Our Response:
It seems like a common theme for us to suggest it, but we really do think you would benefit from counselling and/or joining a support group. Please ask your GP about any organisations in your area or try the internet. A good place to start finding resources is CRUSE.You could also try NAPAC an organisation supporting adults recover from childhood abuse.
FacingBereavement - 19-Oct-16 @ 12:35 PM
I lost my younger sister aged 56 to Ovarian cancer 5 months ago it was a four year fight during which she exuded massive amounts of positivity and did many things I knew were on her bucket list . We had a traumatic abusive childhood I was the main target however we shared and acknowledged our pastwhilst getting on with our lives. She chose not to have children but loved mine . I find myself dwelling on our abusive childhood and wishing I had been able to do more for ger emotionally. I'm sure it's time but find daily life a struggle to be joyous. Family pass comments but I can't get beyond my thoughts. Ive tried reiki and practice yoga. Any advice very welcome..I'm stuck!
Mak - 18-Oct-16 @ 8:33 AM
Ang - Your Question:
I've been trying to cope with my sons suicide 18 months ago but the anxiety of it all is getting me down my hubby gets on my nerves since this happened and I don't know what to do Valium helps but the doctors won't give it me I'm trying to find a good chemist on line to see if I can get some there you get no help of them all I got on the day it happened was you need to go threw it well I thought thanks a lot I know that but a little help wouldn't go a miss any advice it was his birthday on the 11october thank you

Our Response:
Have you asked your GP about counselling at all? If they cannot refer you to one, you might be able to find help via local support groups etc. A couple of useful organisations to try are
SOBS - Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
or
Support After Suicide
FacingBereavement - 14-Oct-16 @ 11:13 AM
I've been trying to cope with my sons suicide 18 months ago but the anxiety of it all is getting me down my hubby gets on my nerves since this happened and I don't know what to do Valium helps but the doctors won't give it me I'm trying to find a good chemist on line to see if I can get some there you get no help of them all I got on the day it happened was you need to go threw itwell I thought thanks a lot I know that but a little help wouldn't go a miss any advice it was his birthday on the 11october thank you
Ang - 13-Oct-16 @ 9:34 AM
Anon - Your Question:
I lost my dad a year ago at Christmas time. I'm really struggling with it, I was close with him and he was my friend as well as my dad. He had a long term illness and in the end we had to switch off his life support. Myself and my husband ended up having to organise and tie up a lot of loose ends as my mum wasn't up to it. We are still dealing with legal stuff for her , but she has now met someone. I am feeling really uneasy with it all. I want her to be happy but I am really angry, upset and confused. I just want to be in control of how I feel and just be fine with everything. I hate how emotional I am and have to hide it most of the time as I don't want my kids picking up on it. I can't talk to my mum and my sibling doesn't feel the same as me, they feel that everything is fine. So I guess it's me that is wrong. I'm so sorry for rambling.

Our Response:
It's not you that is "wrong" - you simply feel differently. It might be worth considering counselling or joining a bereavement support group to help you work your way through this.
FacingBereavement - 25-Aug-16 @ 11:36 AM
I lost my dad a year ago at Christmas time. I'm really struggling with it, I was close with him and he was my friend as well as my dad. He had a long term illness and in the end we had to switch off his life support. Myself and my husband ended up having to organise and tie up a lot of loose ends as my mum wasn't up to it. We are still dealing with legal stuff for her , but she has now met someone . I am feeling really uneasy with it all. I want her to be happy but I am really angry, upset and confused. I just want to be in control of how I feel and just be fine with everything. I hate how emotional I am and have to hide it most of the time as I don't want my kids picking up on it. I can't talk to my mum and my sibling doesn't feel the same as me, they feel that everything is fine. So I guess it's me that is wrong. I'm so sorry for rambling.
Anon - 22-Aug-16 @ 2:33 PM
Daniela - Your Question:
My mum passed away almost a year ago.It's been a months of a struggle but everyone hope she will gets better, when she passed away I lost my self.I see that as my failure, because I didn't save her.I lost motivation for living, for life, I can't wait night when everything is quiet and I take antidepressants and read a book.Soon as I wake up I am thinking how in the evening I will go to bed again.I am not feeling to leave the house and as time is passing I am feeling worse and worse.My husband is by my side all the time and I have his support but now he started to lose his patience with me.I am afraid that after my mum I will lose him too which I wouldn't stand.I see my self as a failure on every field and I just want my life back, I want my relationship back the most previous thing that I have.I am fighting so hard with my thoughts but I have constantly pictures of my mum in the hospital, and her funeral that I just can't go back to normality.I want to make my self feel better just I don't know how.

Our Response:
You can't do this on your own. You need to seek support from others both connect and unconnected with you. Look for local support groups or use national organisations like CRUSE bereavement care , your GP will also be able to recommend a bereavement counsellor and give you some suggestions for handling/coping with your depression. Please tell your husband that you want to get help and need his support in finding it. If he sees you're trying to help yourself he will understand.
FacingBereavement - 6-Jul-16 @ 12:01 PM
My mum passed away almost a year ago. It's been a months of a struggle but everyone hope she will gets better, when she passed away I lost my self.I see that as my failure, because I didn't save her.I lost motivation for living, for life, I can't wait night when everything is quiet and I take antidepressants and read a book.Soon as I wake up I am thinking how in the evening I will go to bed again.I am not feeling to leave the house and as time is passing I am feeling worse and worse.My husband is by my side all the time and I have his support but now he started to lose his patience with me.I am afraid that after my mum I will lose him too which I wouldn't stand.I see my self as a failure on every field and I just want my life back, I want my relationship back the most previous thing that I have.I am fighting so hard with my thoughts but I have constantly pictures of my mum in the hospital, and her funeral that I just can't go back to normality.I want to make my self feel better just I don't know how.
Daniela - 5-Jul-16 @ 1:27 PM
Ben - Your Question:
It's been 2 years since my fiance passed away and not a day goes by were my thoughts don't drift off thinking about her. I know it wasn't my fault, but the pain in my heart still hasn't gone away. I feel like I'm losing my mind half the time, especially on my job that has me driving for long extended periods of time. I'm finding myself holding full conversations with a person who isn't there all the time. And I know it's not a good sign, but I can't help it. I still hear her voice. I tried saying again, but it's just not working out. Not really sure what to do at this point.

Our Response:
Have you tried any local bereavement support groups where you live? This might give you a focus and something else to think about/look forward to while you're driving. Your GP should be able to recommend one to you. If you work for a big company, it might be worth talking to the HR department - they might be able to offer a course or to make some changes to your job so you do not spend so much time driving.
FacingBereavement - 20-Jun-16 @ 10:45 AM
Gaz - Your Question:
I have lost my mum 7mths ago and I am finding it so hard to cope with out her Evan tho I have my own family I think about her every day it has been building and building up with extremely heart ache what should I do

Our Response:
Losing your mum is really difficult. It's especially hard when you're older, and a mother yourself, as people often think you should have "grown out of" any dependency on your mother. If you have someone who you can open up to about this, a partner, sibling or close friend perhaps, please do. You may find that they can help you with emotional or practical support. You can also try bereavement counselling or contacting an organisation like Cruse
FacingBereavement - 20-Jun-16 @ 10:30 AM
It's been 2 years since my fiance passed away and not a day goes by were my thoughts don't drift off thinking about her. I know it wasn't my fault, but the pain in my heart still hasn't gone away. I feel like I'm losing my mind half the time, especially on my job that has me driving for long extended periods of time. I'm finding myself holding full conversations with a person who isn't there all the time. And I know it's not a good sign, but I can't help it. I still hear her voice. I tried saying again, but it's just not working out. Not really sure what to do at this point.
Ben - 18-Jun-16 @ 8:38 AM
i have lost my mum 7mths ago and I am finding it so hard to cope with out her Evan tho I have my own family I think about her every day it has been building and building up with extremely heart ache what should I do
Gaz - 18-Jun-16 @ 12:27 AM
HP - Your Question:
Hi, I've lost my dad less than a month ago. I don't where to start. I've been brought up by him. He is my everything, my eyes, my world, the love of my life. I've got young kids and a loving husband and I'm pregnant BUT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE. I'm always crying, I can't smile to them, I keep being angry at everyone all the time. I'm not enjoying anything or anyone. He's gone one evening just like that in front of my eyes I saw him dying and now I can't see anything else. That baby I'm carrying I can't seem to love him or worry for him. I can't seem to love my children anymore and my husband I feel so terrible for saying it but I just need to get it off my chest.Dad has left an immeasurable emptiness in me and anger and sadness. All these feelings are boiling and raging that I feel exhausted all the time What can it make more bearable ?? Less painful ? I can't anymore.

Our Response:
Please do try and talk to someone about this. Sometimes it's harder to talk to those close to you about how you're feeling, and this is where organisations like CRUSE can really help. You can also find bereavement support services and groups in your local area by asking at your GP/your local NHS Trust.
FacingBereavement - 29-Apr-16 @ 11:48 AM
Hi, I've lost my dad less than a month ago. I don't where to start. I've been brought up by him. He is my everything, my eyes, my world, the love of my life. I've got young kids and a loving husband and I'm pregnant BUT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE... I'm always crying, I can't smile to them, I keep being angry at everyone all the time. I'm not enjoying anything or anyone. He's gone one evening just like that in front of my eyes I saw him dying and now I can't see anything else... That baby I'm carrying I can't seem to love him or worry for him. I can't seem to love my children anymore and my husband I feel so terrible for saying it but I just need to get it off my chest. Dad has left an immeasurable emptiness in me and anger and sadness... All these feelings are boiling and raging that i feelexhausted all the time What can it make more bearable ?? Less painful ? I can't anymore ...
HP - 27-Apr-16 @ 10:22 PM
my wife lost her father 6months ago, it was a shock to us all she blames me I couldn't do anything to help she says she can't talk to me about it but can to people she just met I reassure her that I am here but she wants to end our marriage and not try anymore I don't know what to do
asap - 26-Mar-16 @ 9:19 AM
Tabitha - Your Question:
I lost my son 5 days ago. He took his own life. He was 17. I need help, I have run out of people to talk to because they already hurt so bad they can't help me. I just need to talk to someone! I feel like I'm dieing

Our Response:
We're so sorry to hear about this. You are doing the right thing in acknowledging that you need to talk to someone. At some point you will be able to talk with others who knew your son well, but at the moment we can understand that you're all feeling to vulnerable and bereft to do do. There is a specific charity that helps those who have been bereaved by suicide.Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide ( SOBS) Has a dedicated helpline 0300 111 5065 open from 9am to 9pm every day. There is also information and help at:
Winston's Wish
CRUSE
Our thoughts are with you.
FacingBereavement - 5-Feb-16 @ 11:16 AM
I lost my son 5 days ago. He took his own life. He was 17. I need help, I have run out of people to talk to because they already hurt so bad they can't help me. I just need to talk to someone! I feel like I'm dieing
Tabitha - 3-Feb-16 @ 11:09 PM
I had never lost anyone close to me until 2003.My older sister who was 57 died after battling breast cancer for 2 1/2 years.I had gotten divorced in 1999 and she was my savior.I will never forget her.About three years later my mother got sick.My father was ill too and went to the ER and we found out he had pancreatic cancer.It was so bad that there was nothing they could do.Meanwhile my mother was sent to the hospital and they put her his for rehab because she has late stage dementia and COPD.My father died three months after being diagnosed and three weeks later my mother died.Now my brother who had lived with my dad all his life winded up passing away three years later of a blood clot.Now, my sister who was 11 years older than I passed away from ovarian cancer after a 6 year struggle.But now, three years later I get a call that my brother is in a comaand we have to wind up pulling the plugs because he has colon cancer and is ready to die. There is more to these stories but they are basically the truth.This all happened in a 10 year span, so most people think I am whining about nothing.But, to me it seems like it happened so quick.Every holiday I feel so alone.Things will happen to me at work or out shopping and I will say "I can't wait until I can tell Marilyn about this" and than I realize that these people are all gone.That feeling hurts so much and doesn't seem to get better.
Dot - 29-Dec-15 @ 6:18 AM
I lost my wonderful husband two months agoWe had been married forfifty seven years I nursed him for a year and he tried so hard to beat lung cancer. I feel so empty and cheated as we were previously having such a full and happy life .The home is so quiet and I spend days crying and miss him so much , I wonder how I am going to carry on , I have a family who have been supportive but they have thier lives to live and I don't want to burden them with my grief . I really don't know what the answer is but pray for strength the to get through this .
Shkira - 10-Nov-15 @ 9:40 PM
Its been 21 years since my Mamaw died of Cancer. I watced it all happen from the diagnoses to death. I was 17 I tried everything I knew to save her; I prayed, I wrote every church in town and put the letters under their doors. I built a make shift alter at her bedroom window. I sat by her side and told her that I was trying to heal her. She still died and I still see her eyes after death, they were so cloudy. I miss her so bad and I think about her all the time. I find myself trying to contact her, when I visit her old house. My mom was 15 when she had me and my Mamaw was like a second mommy. She tought me about jesus and god, she read me bible stories, she made me feel warm and safe. I cant forget her smell or the touch of her hand, and I don't want to. I just want her back. Im still mad, Im still sad. I guess I feel sorry for myself, but I cant stop.
Trisha - 5-Oct-15 @ 8:30 PM
I lost my mum nearly 11 months ago.I found this emotional path such a painful journey as my mum was diagnosed with cancer that took over her body and took her away from me and my external family. From the time of her diagnosis, it was a year to the date that they said she would have left.(I cried every day for a year and still cry) watching the most wonderful friend I had, emotionally fading away over time from me, was something that remains with me. Words and fears, thoughts regarding the future that we shared have stayed stuck, within my stomach.This is like a huge brick I carry. I function everyday going to work, keeping the home and expense. Trying to support my daughters and other family members,Internally my own inner self is drowning with a pool of sadness and all the confusion of grief. I am aware of this journey of grief so I allow myself to cry.Goodness I miss her terribly and feel bitter that my time with her was short..I am 46 years old and my mum was 65 years old. A woman who loved life, always looked glamorous and took pride with having her children(me and my brother) grandchildren ect.No words of comfort helps, I am hoping time will ease the pain..So for now i will try and to live for her.. a constant feel of sadness yes, loss, as well, my body aches from time to time ..But I am my mothers daughter so for my mum I must follow her dreams and build on my own..
girl - 17-Jun-15 @ 9:41 PM
3 months ago I lost the most important person in my life to suiaside, I can't stop crying and I'm so tiered, I can't carry on having this pain surround me. She was my nana but everyone knows we were bestfriends, I can't go on withought my hero next to me, Since the news iv swapped my nights for days and days for nights. I just want something to take this pain away I'd do anything for something to make me smile and mean it! I'm so scared Incase I lose any other close family members and I'm scared when I'm alone. I still can't help but feel alone, why would she leave me if she said I was her favourite and only Person who understood her!! It still dose t feel real that my worlds gone. Please help!
Tall girl - 18-Apr-15 @ 2:52 AM
I lost my mam to cervical cancer 9 years ago which at the time was a very emotional time 9 years down the line I still find it hard to talk about her to new people that come into my life and cry when I tell them I've also started the adoption process which is setting off the uncontrollable crying every time they talk about my mam , I'm unsure if I need help or not has anyone got any advice on what I should do.
julie - 26-Mar-15 @ 5:50 PM
@Woody. We hope some of our readers will be able to help here too, but yes, in the meantime, what do you have to lose? If the counselling does not help then you'll be back to where you are now and can look at other options, if it does help, then you will find yourself in a much better place. Here are some charities and support groups that can help:
Cruse
Merry Widow - a popular online resource for anyone who has lost a partner.
Macmillan Bereaved Spouse Group- Macmillian online support group for those who've lost a spouse to cancer
The Loss Foundation
FacingBereavement - 11-Feb-15 @ 12:03 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • Big T
    Re: What if There is No Will?
    This is about my family my mom gave it to me she had now will saying that but the family now's what she wanted after she past away but…
    23 March 2017
  • Bet
    Re: Inheriting Property
    My father purchased a property and immediately transferred 80% to me via title deed. I then cared for him for several years until I could no…
    22 March 2017
  • Debbie
    Re: Bereavement Payment
    My husband died 25 /11/12 I new nothing of help for me and my child who was 11 years at the time she lost her dad I've been left with all…
    22 March 2017
  • FacingBereavement
    Re: Inheriting Property
    Esexboy - Your Question:My brother lives with my mother and wants to sell the house (mortgage paid off by them and my Brother's ex partner).…
    22 March 2017
  • FacingBereavement
    Re: How Grief Affects Your Relationships
    Sammi - Your Question:My partner lost his dad,taken it badly and as depression. I have tried so much to support him and…
    22 March 2017
  • PEG
    Re: The Rights to Obtain a Headstone?
    hi i im getting a head stone for my nanna and grandads grave my mum and aunts ashes are also buried there can i have all…
    21 March 2017
  • MHZ
    Re: Coping With A Loved One's Terminal Illness
    Hi, My younger sister has been diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer 3 weeks ago. She does not know yet. Her…
    20 March 2017
  • Confused
    Re: Inheriting Property
    My sister and I have cared for our 94 years old mum for more than 40 years. She now has advanced Alzheimer's and needs more help than ever.…
    20 March 2017
  • Sarah Coleman
    Re: What if There is No Will?
    My life was destroyed when my husband sent me packing, after 13 years we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so…
    20 March 2017
  • Esexboy
    Re: Inheriting Property
    My brother lives with my mother and wants to sell the house (mortgage paid off by them and my Brother's ex partner). My mother wants to leave…
    20 March 2017
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the FacingBereavement website. Please read our Disclaimer.